Telling a partner you think they may be autistic?

Hi,

I have been with my wife for 5 years. We have always had communication issues and not understood the others way of thinking. Within the past few months I have started to consider the possibility that she is Autistic or Aspergers. I do not know much about these conditions but the more I have read, the more I am convinced that this is the case - to the point that I question how I didn't see this. I have been advised that I need to be vary careful about if or how I bring this subject up as it could damage her. I feel that if she / we know that Autism / Aspergers is involved, then we would have more understanding of each other.

What is the general advice for suggesting to someone they may have Autistic traits? She holds a good job, makes a few but very close friends, but expects more of me than I can deliver and her thought processes arrive at conclusions or follow a path that I could never have imagined. She is perfectly happy with her life and controls any difficulties within it to the point I wouldn't necessarily bring Autism up. The issue is with us. The marriage has about failed and I think our communication, way of thinking and expectations are a big part of it. I've done the Aspergers test for myself and her (answering as close as I could guess on questions I didn't know the answer for - so I completely accept it may not be accurate), but I came out at 9 for myself (would have expected higher tbh! and 41 for my wife. Some of the questions surprised me - things which I saw as quirks of my wife or had only half noticed were listed as questions. Speaking with someone who described half a dozen traits was like listening to a description of my wife.

Personally I think I should bring up my thoughts and speak to her about it, but considering the advice that I may damage her by doing so, I need some further guidance.

Any advise, please,

Thank you.