My relationship crumbling before my eyes!

I offered a coping strategy, this is a management strategy, that I wish I'd comprehended many years ago! Thank you very much Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. 

Her mother sounds dreadful, that she finds the need to put you down, and use your mental health condition against you to dismiss anything you have to say, and devalue you. That's just plain wrong. No one's mental health has ever improved by being put down and silenced. 

I think that because your partner has not stood up for you against her mother, and your partner has not tried to improve your living standards and has not created a better environment for you to ease your mental health condition, it makes me think that your partner might have a sort of codependency and she enables her mother's bad behaviors, which kind of puts you in a sort of danger, because anything bad her mother does towards you gets ignored, and that could lead to further deterioration of your mental health, which jeopardizes all other areas of your life, and what impacts you will also trickle down to impact your child's standard of living as well.

Having a hostile human being around you all the time who's bullying you is not good for you (or anyone for that matter). Talking sense into a bully does not work, because they only listen to themselves. They don't value anything you have to say, and they will not likely change, and even if you become a billionaire and think they'll respect you now, they'll just bully or con you out of your money, but they still won't value anything about you. 

Tolerate them until you can get away from them. Either take your family and move out, or her mother has to leave (kick her out), so that you can work on improving your mental health and spend more time with your partner and your child. 

I've been called "mental" or a "nutter" intermittently, throughout my youth particularly, partly as a "gaslighting campaign waged by an Evil Stepmother, but more worryingly from peers, who actually like me.

Over a long period using a system of "boolean logic", and relying heavily on the testimony of other people (including the occasional medical professional)I had managed to disqualify myself from all the serious metal illnesses except double acute and chronic depression (A.K.A. being a miserable b') I manged to work out that I was neither classically Evil, nor a danger to the public, outside of my penchant for very short journey times compared to others.. 

Nah, we are just "diverse", in the same way that others perhaps speak a different language or have a hardcore cultural upbringing. The majority need to get on with us, because we can simply only go so far to bridge the gap on our own unaided efforts. 

Sorry I misread the thread and misidentified you. I'm having to read and react less and quicker than when I first started out on this forum. But some of the 'sperg challenges we face, it appears I have "aced" in the past, and I'm keen to share that wealth, and when I grow into my understandings better I intend to share the more humourous and spectacular Autism caused failures too. 

I am so sorry. I do woffle on sometimes! You got to number four, which really was far enough..

I think about the advice to be kind in whatever you do, at the bottom, is also "golden" based on the conversation I just had with my 26 year old child. 

At least the post was "pitched right" to be most helpful, there's a lot, and even a little, I believe will be very useful in your situation.

You mentioned my name but it wasn't my post sorry if I lead you to below so. Like riddler said this is a very comprehensive reply and I'm struggling to retain the information you wanted to present.

I like your first point a lot about autism not being a mental condition. People use this against autistic people to give them the idea their decisions and opinion has no value but unlike mental health conditions they can make logical reasonable decisions that don't lose dangers to others or themselves.

 that hand grenade comment got me that is a good one. 

You don't want that brainwashing to pass on to your kin. You have to as the only non brainwashed person point it out for the sake of your child. It's difficult and going to be frustrating but the child will value the lessons you taught in this moment.

Unless the situation is you are living under their roof then it's their rules or you hit the road then approach it safely. But you can't be scared to live comfortably and watch the people you love be manipulated by someone who should know better.

I can confirm I am a man and still identify as one!

Sorry if I miss your point. You be left a very comprehensive reply, building I'm not good for taking on let of information at once!

I support that is part of the problem. If things decend into arguments then can't compute the information and a response fast enough so just get frustrated and swear and lash out. Which doesn't help anyone. 

The problem is that my partner is so brainwashed by her mother, that as soon as anything remotely negative is mentioned, then all hell breaks loose.

I'd have more success kick a hand green around!

Hi aidie, sadly this isn't a recent thing. It's just got to me more this time because I thought things would get better now my life is clearer. 

I do work, but versions much not the bread winner. 

Lets bring a bit of logic and reason to this hideously emotional and scary thing, Vesters. I'm hoping you are a man, otherwise discount my advice completely, and please do not be offended by my tone.

Your partner saw something in you enough to have a child with you. She may by now be suffering the fatigue that affects anyone who is living for a long time with an undiagnosed Autist. Unlike me you got your diagnosis before the big parting of the ways, I think I've been lucky enough to get mine before the second parting of the ways.

YOU can set the ground here, as the authority on Autism...

A few ideas  I think could be useful to you to "weild".

1: Autism is not a mental condition (although there may well be co-conditions brought on by how we get treated, but you don't need to mention that) It is a DISABILTY in this society and a lot of situations, although in unusually challenging situations, we can of course shine, in a way that neurotypicals find sexy....

2: Used sparingly, (for "emergencies" really) "the don't rag on me for the things I cannot help" card can kill a really nasty brewing argument with one's partner quite quickly, using ones developing insights, to at least catch yourself doing the annoying stuff early, and apologise early, seems to pay bigger dividends.    

3: If partners mum is using your new status to treat you like a half wit, as part of the manipulation you talk about, then just wait for one of the really egregrious times, that co-incides with when you have your full wits about you, and take her up on it, as kindly as you can mange making sure that gently but clearly, and in great detail, you explain point 1 above, and point to the many, many high performing autists that fill this forum & public life in geenral, and above all, as you feel things in yourself changing for the better, which as you get more confident in your start abilities and more knowing of your failure possibilities they surely will, make sure you partner knows about it. 

4: (people with the new-fangled thinking, please look away) YOU are the MAN, that is YOUR WOMAN, YOUR CHILD, take ownership and care for them as a man should do, irrespective of whoever wants to interfere! UNLESS, you are certain that you have lost your woman's heart, in which case, I'm afraid, it's probably time to "bail out" with as much grace and access to your child as you can possibly get... If I had had my diagnosis 20 years ago, I would probably have been able to save and make good that particular relationship.  

Whichever way it goes, (and with relationships there is always the random factor of the other person having their own mind) remember you loved each other a while back and IF you can fix whatever the real problem is, you could perhaps even get back to making a loving family. That's a glittering prize of you ask me, and all you have to do is think & act like a real cis-gender testosterone fueled, but well brought up, man!

(masculinity is very underrated these days. Historically it has solved many more problems than it has caused, and it gets a much worse rep from a vocal minority than it deserves). In P.C. company I like to segue off into my favourite the Feminist V the Large Spider (on in the case of my domestic feminist revolt even a tiny sub "baked bean" Spider is enough to require my services) misogynist rant, but in the back of mind is always the embarrassing but true realisation that if you need to say get rid of a class of American Nuclear weapon systems stationed where they should not be, like say, Greenham Common, testosterone doesn't cut it, you need a bunch of stroppy women living in trees.  

Well, that's what passes for help from me, Apparently I'm doing unusually well at the duration and depths of my relationships for a 'sperg. OO ***, I almost forgot. Read Eric Berne's EXCELLENT guide to human and normie behaviour "Games People Play". Just because we are not wired up to do relationships well, doesn't mean we can't learn how, has been my experience.

BUT ALWAYS try your absolute best to be kind and do no harm, as you wrangle with your relationship. However it goes, that will get you the best outcome, I have found. Hope some of that is useful, I really do.

I'm no trained expert, but I seem to be winning more harmony by applying these principles, although it isn't always easy, because i'm a bit of a berk still, quite a lot of the time... 

i face a similar issue trying to communicate my differences only faced by contradictions and getting shut down. i tend to always give the benefit of the doubt "they don't understand, they can't relate" but its exhausting. i shouldn't be the one doing that but that's what we have to do in that situation is think these people only know there perspective and refuse to adjust the world a bit for a world that wasn't designed for us.

if your partners mother is manipulating your child you need to speak up. that is YOUR child and you've seen the consequences of that to your partner and clearly you have the sense to see its bad and you don't want that for your child. speak up for your child and if they shut you down walk away with your child then explain to your child what happened and why its wrong.

sorry to say but your situation is dire. Your family appear to have turned on you do you know why ?

are you the bread winner/working ?