Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't know where else to turn.
Had a therapy appointment yesterday, GP appointment tomorrow. I'm really hurting, but I can't tell anyone. The "S" word has consequences. I just can't say it, I cant cope with what might happen I'f I do.
It's ok, I don't expect any replies, I'm not after attention. I just needed somewhere I could be honest with myself.
Sorry.
*Thank you so much everyone for your kindness, you are all truly amazing people.
I've rung the Samaritans numerous times, they are great at listening if you want to pour out your problems without people saying 'you should do XYZ' and thinking they've solved it. Or any other type of crisis line, I'm not sure which one to suggest. You need to talk to someone, it's better than just typing. Please start with the Samaritans though on 116 123
Or, text 85258 to a service called SHOUT and a trained counsellor will text you back. If you really don't want to speak to anyone.
Thank you Kikicat
I was thinking about the S word last week, I was really upset, then I remembered I hadn't taken my St John's Wort that day, so I took it. It is a herb that reduces depression. I take it on and off all the time and it really helps. Just in case you want to try it. There are no side effects, trust me if there were I would get them. As I'm the most oversensitive person in the world.
cool Pikl
If you want to chat on here or my chat post until aidie comes back on, that's fine. But I can leave you alone if you prefer.
I don't want to ignore you - I'm just trying to work out how sad you feel - I'm not judging you.
I have times where I just feel numb, times I want to fight and times where I feel I just can't anymore. Ignore me Adele M, I need to pull myself together.
Are you having some ok times of the day?
I did down play it with them.
No pressure though
What percentage of your worrying thoughts were you able to say to SHOUT? Could you try them again and just up it a few percent? Tell them that that's what you are doing if it helps - they like to have a goal with you.
Thank you Adele M, you really are a lovely person. I just wish I knew what to do. X
You aren't selfish for not being upbeat - you know I just wanted to keep that one post upbeat don't you? - I'm not saying you shouldn't feel different emotions. Keep having a good cry etc if it helps and as people have said, do any dealing with things in your own time.
Thank you I Sperg. Really. I'm a jumbled and confused mess right now. Torn between wanting to end and wanting to fight, and torn between wanting help and being afraid of it. I know that I am not alone in how I feel, and that makes me feel selfish. I'm trying to be upbeat, it's such hard work. I know it's stupid to say this but I do hope nobody else has to feel this way.
Many people think "I can't be bothered" is a negative state, particularly if it follows a period of intense struggle.
I see it as you taking hold of your power, to simply not be "bothered". You may well feel not quite right, but by excercising your absolute right of not being bothered, your doing some of that zen stuff.
Well done, you are treading a path to "recovering your poise & grace that many of us have trodden, And of course, the old saying "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" has quite a lot of truth about it.
YOU had the essential "survival skill" of being able to ask for a bit of help! Sadly, not everyone is such a winner as you.
I've reached the point where I can't be bothered any more, whatever happens, happens.
It does feel like it would make things more real, or rather, that they would have to be acknowledged if they were written or said out loud.