Published on 12, July, 2020
On reflection, I think this problem has defined much of my life since childhood. To the point where even now in my late 30s I struggle with interviews, shops or even speaking up infront of family members who often make fun of anything that might give rise to some poor excuse for humour.
Feeling this to such an extreme level, is this normal, does this happen to you? How do you cope with situations where the attention is directed and you, your work, or your life?
I've had a pretty successful career, presenting to boardrooms full of people, and carried big projects through to delivery. All the time, underneath, in introverted anxious agony. Nobody knew. Some of my peers even use me as a reference point of what confidence looks like.
But this has all led to silently developing a chronic inflammatory condition that I have always known was probably due. Isolated from any friends I made over the years, it's only now, 10 years into this illness, I'm starting to face the facts that I've been masking.
To be weak in my family was never allowed, to talk openly about anything like this was even less tolerated. My folks just turn silent and walk the other way. It's a shame, as I'm now a father and I realise that's the damaging behavioural pattern I now need to break to help my son grow up openly aware and accepting of all his traits.
I feel like being angry at the NT world, but also know I can try to adjust aspects myself to open up the ND traits I have to at least let people in a bit before I decide they are/are not helping things. It's so hard to figure out though
JT said:I've had a pretty successful career, presenting to boardrooms full of people, and carried big projects through to delivery. All the time, underneath, in introverted anxious agony. Nobody knew. Some of my peers even use me as a reference point of what confidence looks like. But this has all led to silently developing a chronic inflammatory condition that I have always known was probably due. Isolated from any friends I made over the years, it's only now, 10 years into this illness, I'm starting to face the facts that I've been masking.
Me too - I'm a chartered engineer - working at the highest levels of a huge multi-national - developed ulcerative colitis over 20 years ago. Carried on like a good soldier. Diagnosed aspie almost 10 years later in my 40s after chronic mask-failure.