Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm interested if other people are parents. I have two daughters, age 3 and 7. They are part of what prompted me to speak to my GP about autism as I found myself often being very blunt and cold towards them. My 7yr old told her dad that I love my dog more than her because I give it more attention. I do find stroking my dog soothing, whereas I really struggle with my children trying to grab me all the time. I also feel an aversion to their voices if they speak too loud or too much. It feels so horrible to say that as I do love my children. I can't stand being around young children generally because of the noises that they make, so it isnt just my own children. My 3yr old also told her childminder that I don't like her sitting on my knee, which is true but it sounds absolutely awful when she says it to other people so I just laughed it off.
I dont want my children to think I don't love them.
I have two children, ages 12 and 18. However, they are both AS/HFA themselves so it is slightly different to your situation. I also am slightly different with my sensory sensitivities..
It is a lot easier to care for them now they are older. No more sitting on knees are needed and the most embarrassing thing my daughter said when she was little was that she would tell everyone I only make packet cakes - this is totally true by the way.
And I am more in the phase of wondering what my role is now. Apart from getting them up in the morning. My 12 year old is 12 going on 25. And the 18 year old really struggles and needs a lot of reassurance.
I'm not sure I have any advice apart from know and accept yourself and then things will be okay.
I should also add that I found the early years - up to when they started school very difficult. Especially when they were very small. I did not get a great deal of happiness from it - it is a memory of hard work and struggle.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I enjoy my children now but I was miserable when they were babies, especially my oldest daughter.
It's a treadmill when they are babies/ toddlers isn't it. Every day is the same, over and over and over and over til you go mad.