Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm interested if other people are parents. I have two daughters, age 3 and 7. They are part of what prompted me to speak to my GP about autism as I found myself often being very blunt and cold towards them. My 7yr old told her dad that I love my dog more than her because I give it more attention. I do find stroking my dog soothing, whereas I really struggle with my children trying to grab me all the time. I also feel an aversion to their voices if they speak too loud or too much. It feels so horrible to say that as I do love my children. I can't stand being around young children generally because of the noises that they make, so it isnt just my own children. My 3yr old also told her childminder that I don't like her sitting on my knee, which is true but it sounds absolutely awful when she says it to other people so I just laughed it off.
I dont want my children to think I don't love them.
Oh I hate being grabbed at and poked and stroked etc and I do sometimes feel that maybe I come across as blunt or cold to her (3 year old, 4 tomorrow) because I’m not all lovey dovey like people are with kids but I still seem to be her favourite person somehow! I tend to show love in other ways than speaking, I do hug her but it’s stuff like organising her a lockdown birthday tomorrow so she doesn’t get upset she’s not having a party and baking her quite an ambitious birthday cake from scratch and things like that. Does your 7 year old understand that you’re autistic? My daughter was getting confused about my hearing aids so I found her some stories where the characters wore them
Be aware though: when your children hit adolescence, they will actively push you away and even say 'ugh, get off'. I didn't like being constantly touched and hugged and stroked when my daughter was little, it got annoying. But now she's 15, I have to ask her if she'd like a hug and she grudgingly hugs me but complains I'm too clingy and annoying. I miss the days when she was little and I could carry her around, and had an endless supply of cuddles...