Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm interested if other people are parents. I have two daughters, age 3 and 7. They are part of what prompted me to speak to my GP about autism as I found myself often being very blunt and cold towards them. My 7yr old told her dad that I love my dog more than her because I give it more attention. I do find stroking my dog soothing, whereas I really struggle with my children trying to grab me all the time. I also feel an aversion to their voices if they speak too loud or too much. It feels so horrible to say that as I do love my children. I can't stand being around young children generally because of the noises that they make, so it isnt just my own children. My 3yr old also told her childminder that I don't like her sitting on my knee, which is true but it sounds absolutely awful when she says it to other people so I just laughed it off.
I dont want my children to think I don't love them.
I have been autistic since a child but never diagnosed. My son is 15 and it seemed we had a loving relationship until recenty. Now I cant relate to him, he cant relate to me. I ask him to do somehting, he says no. I ask where somehting is, he ignores me or says something that gets me angry. I feel like a failure at being a dad. I feel bullied at work too. Lockdown so noone to talk to. I really dont know where to turn.
lawrence said:I have been autistic since a child but never diagnosed. My son is 15 and it seemed we had a loving relationship until recenty. Now I cant relate to him, he cant relate to me. I ask him to do somehting, he says no. I ask where somehting is, he ignores me or says something that gets me angry. I feel like a failure at being a dad.
Dude ~ you are as such totally succeeding as a dad, as your son's 'preadolescent' will-to-power has gone from wanting to be as big, strong and clever as you involving parental allegiance ~ to 'adolescent' will-to-power as involves being bigger, stronger and clever than you via teenage rebellion ~ as a precursor for individual autonomy, and making his own way into the world.
Basically the hypertensions and moods at home lead to staying at other peoples places and then their own place and all that and thereafter.
Anyway, rather than excessively stressing out about your sons teenage rebellion ~ get wise to it instead perhaps by reading the entirety of the following step-by-step stage-by-stage what and wherefor article:
Rebellion in Late Adolescence (15-18)
Many high-school rebellions I see occur as a result of delayed adolescence, the young person dramatically rebelling at last to liberate himself or herself from childhood dependency on parental approval for always being the "good child."
For example, only children are often slower to separate from parents because of strong attachment and protracted holding on by both sides. Finally in high school these young people, with graduation into more independence looming, may need to initiate late-stage rebellions to get the separation, differentiation, and autonomy they need to undertake this next momentous step.
This is painful and scary for parents. At this older age, risk taking can be more dangerous, while they miss the loss of closeness and compatibility with their son or daughter that they have enjoyed for so many years.
What parents need to remember at this point is that the young person is just as scared and pained as they are. So their job is to allow more independence while expecting commensurate responsibility, staying empathetic during disagreements, and providing calm and clear guidance about any significant risk taking that may going on.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/200912/rebel-cause-rebellion-in-adolescence