Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm interested if other people are parents. I have two daughters, age 3 and 7. They are part of what prompted me to speak to my GP about autism as I found myself often being very blunt and cold towards them. My 7yr old told her dad that I love my dog more than her because I give it more attention. I do find stroking my dog soothing, whereas I really struggle with my children trying to grab me all the time. I also feel an aversion to their voices if they speak too loud or too much. It feels so horrible to say that as I do love my children. I can't stand being around young children generally because of the noises that they make, so it isnt just my own children. My 3yr old also told her childminder that I don't like her sitting on my knee, which is true but it sounds absolutely awful when she says it to other people so I just laughed it off.
I dont want my children to think I don't love them.
I have two daughters as well. One of 10 and one of 22! My first daughter started my mental health journey. I found the baby part really overwhelming. At the time I went to my GP and they referred me to group psychotherapy. I can’t say it didn’t help with the childhood stuff from my own life, but it did set me on a bit of a wild goose chase. It’s only been in the last 3 or 4 years that I have even become aware of the idea of being on the spectrum.
I struggled most when my oldest was a baby but not so bad with my younger one, and now I wonder if it is because the change of routine isn't quite so drastic once you already have one.
I had postnatal depression but it wasn't recognised until I was pregnant with the younger one and then had prenatal depression, mainly because I was anticipating feeling trapped by another baby. When she was born though I didnt feel trapped and fortunately the 2nd time around was generally better albeit still tiring!