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Partner refusing to consider autism

Julia
over 3 years ago

Hi everyone,

I hope you're well. I'm writing here because I don't know what to think anymore of my situation...

I've been in a relationship with this guy for about 2-3 years now. I've suspected early on he might be autistic and got more and more convinced about it overtime. We've spent the past year living together and I'm almost certain he's on the autism spectrum with possibly ADHD as well.

But he doesn't want to believe it or even consider it. We've had very bad fights in the past on the matter where we stopped talking for months. He would say I'm obsessed about fixing problems and to stop bringing it up. When I point out his symptoms, he either stays quiet or excuse it by saying it's his personality.

[Edited because realised after posting/from replies that my message was offensive. Apologies.]

I sometimes get tired about his atypical behaviour and caring for it, and mostly the fact that he doesn't want to aknowledge his peculiar difference. Even though he can openly talk about his suffering from typical autistic traits, he doesn't want to hear anything about health and especially mental health. He prefers to mask and cope in denial rather than admitting there might be a bigger situation at play.

So, I don't know. Has anyone lived through a similar situation here? 

We love each other, but some days I'm just not sure I want to be stuck with his denial and the possible health complications it can involve forever...

Thanks in advance for reading and for any help or insight you might provide.


[Edit: rewrote some parts, as I wrote this too carelessly and was inadvertently hurtful. My most sincere apologies.]

Parents
  • over 3 years ago

    There's a lot here and I'm due to go to work so I'll come back to it hopefully this weekend. I recognise a lot of what you're saying, it's not easy. I'm AS, but can still find the behaviour of other AS's confusing, frustrating and hurtful in close relationships. There's good advice in people's comments, such as focus on the behaviour that impacts you and how you feel and it affects you and what you'd prefer, rather than getting him to see his autism. It's hard to create a safe space for someone in shutdown to communicate, it's something I'm thinking about a lot this week, and is what I'd like to come back to and comment about when I've chance.

Reply
  • over 3 years ago

    There's a lot here and I'm due to go to work so I'll come back to it hopefully this weekend. I recognise a lot of what you're saying, it's not easy. I'm AS, but can still find the behaviour of other AS's confusing, frustrating and hurtful in close relationships. There's good advice in people's comments, such as focus on the behaviour that impacts you and how you feel and it affects you and what you'd prefer, rather than getting him to see his autism. It's hard to create a safe space for someone in shutdown to communicate, it's something I'm thinking about a lot this week, and is what I'd like to come back to and comment about when I've chance.

Children
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