Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I hope you're well. I'm writing here because I don't know what to think anymore of my situation...
I've been in a relationship with this guy for about 2-3 years now. I've suspected early on he might be autistic and got more and more convinced about it overtime. We've spent the past year living together and I'm almost certain he's on the autism spectrum with possibly ADHD as well.
But he doesn't want to believe it or even consider it. We've had very bad fights in the past on the matter where we stopped talking for months. He would say I'm obsessed about fixing problems and to stop bringing it up. When I point out his symptoms, he either stays quiet or excuse it by saying it's his personality.
[Edited because realised after posting/from replies that my message was offensive. Apologies.]
I sometimes get tired about his atypical behaviour and caring for it, and mostly the fact that he doesn't want to aknowledge his peculiar difference. Even though he can openly talk about his suffering from typical autistic traits, he doesn't want to hear anything about health and especially mental health. He prefers to mask and cope in denial rather than admitting there might be a bigger situation at play.
So, I don't know. Has anyone lived through a similar situation here?
We love each other, but some days I'm just not sure I want to be stuck with his denial and the possible health complications it can involve forever...
Thanks in advance for reading and for any help or insight you might provide.
[Edit: rewrote some parts, as I wrote this too carelessly and was inadvertently hurtful. My most sincere apologies.]
I guess there is also this burden that I carry around instead of him, of knowing that he is on the spectrum but that to keep the reality where he's not autistic alive, I need to keep it a secret. And I don't like secrets, especially unsaid ones. Like there's this mutual agreement that we need to act like everything is perfectly normal and that his weirdness are just part of his introverted personality quirks. Because he can't stand the idea of not fitting in, or something like that, I guess. Which is so unfair because I am myself disabled, and he rarely helps me out with my own disability, while I cover up for his.
Dear Julia.
What do you think will change for you in your relationship if he admits that he has this diagnosis? Will these quirks disappear? I think this is more a matter of your acceptance or rejection.