Starting the conversation

I suspect my 2 male and 1 female cousins to have Asperger's too. out of 45. And my mum has mild at least, but she is masking 24/7, never got through.

It's so tough.

My guess is with MGG he has a suspicion about it, maybe even knows, but doesn't want to talk about it. But his shutdowns are so mega that it feels at least naming them and talking about them would be such a help for him. But I think he'd resist it. He's a brilliant listener, but when it comes to talking about my autistic traits he goes mute.

I've a past colleague who i ummed and arghed about talking to, but didn't, and wonder if I've done her a dis-service now she's out of my life not telling her. She seems to struggle more in life than MGG.

And I'd like suggest to my brother that his partner is, but he treats my autism as something unique and totally alien to him and his life, but I cd imagine it being a relief to her knowing.

But I know there are people out there who it doesn't help, or didn't take well to it being suggested, and i get that.

i work with a guy i think is autistic i would never have the never have the nerve to ask him  because its so personal in a way but then at same time you are helping them ----    its a tough decision to be honest 

I didn't want to ignore it, I'm just surprised how on this occasion, with MGG, my friends are advising patience when normally they tell me I'm too patient. You're right, if I push him I'll meet resistance.

well u can ignore anything I say 

Thanks, you're the third person today to tell me slow n steady. It's odd cos normally people tell me i'm too patient and indulgent with guys, so i'm finding it odd people telling me to go slow with MGG!

slow and steady 

I don't think i'll tell him at the moment, but it goes through my mind. It's kinda an elephant in the room between us.

is that a good idea?

Yes, do come back and tell us how it goes. I'm AS and am considering telling my best friend he's AS. It clearly affects his life, but also massively affects our relatiinship, but I am scared of his reaction.

Yeah, i can take feedback of all sorts, it comes as a relief, it's information. If it's "i want to leave you, " then yes i'm upset! Otherwise for me the stressful, confusing bit is not knowing what's going on or what i should do.

Wow that’s amazing- Great Wall skills he would love a little look at that!!

I did it ........ I’m not sure what I have to feed back. He didn’t storm off and leave so that’s a bonus. It’s done thou so hopefully I’ve planted a nice seed and he will come back to me about it soon. 

nearly vomited on the beautiful new table he made !! 

thank you so much for all you support and help it’s been amazing 

nice wall

exactly, you say it like a normal thing, no hidden context, and it happens, with a smile

Great!        And yes, him watching brick porn videos is totally normal       I'm a chartered engineer, rocket scientist and nuclear physicist (yes, really) and I spend my time watching youtubes of in-depth engineering like classic car repairs or the Space X SN9 about to launch - it's all just like being spoon-fed honey.

I'm a total nerd - I needed a garden wall so I read all about it  - a bit like Neo in The Matrix - and this is the first wall I've ever built.

Us aspies are capable of anything - except dealing with stress.     Bricklaying is a lovely job for an aspie - work alone, set your own high standard, it's all about details......

If you can get to 'speak aspie' and keep him de-stressed, he'll be brilliant.    If you need something from him in the relationship, be clear and open about it - don't force him to have to guess - it just won't happen - we normally don't take offence to being given the inside track and told what you want - just keep the ambiguity of emotions from it. 

PLASTICS- I can’t manage to reply to your latest comment.

you are bang on the money with everything you say there - on numerous occasions I’ve asked what he is doing on his phone and the normal reply is watching a wall being laid with the specific brick we always joke about “brick porn” 

we had a dripping tap - he replaced that. 
we need plastering on some cracked ceilings - he is planning that - the shower leaked - it’s fixed. 

literally everything your saying is what I’m getting for him. I always say “don’t worry about that crack for now blah blah blah” but I will engage more knowing it’s a big deal to him. 

normally watching work videos on his phone and I’m always telling “babe stop thinking about work chill out “ I joke about phone bans but are these videos actually his way of chilling out? Am I here telling him to stop doing the one thing that chills him? He loves a beer and a good series - homeland is winning atm !! 

I have written a letter and am planning on chatting tonight or over the weekend. 

my neighbour is like that .... he never stops brick laying/ cement work all weathers. He told me that recently the demand for his work has gone through the roof. He has to hide so many people are after him ! (in a good way )

i would just come out with it. think nd people like directness. at least i do. maybe make it clear you don’t see it as a problem beforehand?

Specialist brick layer is a good craftsman skill - all the ones I've met are very aspie - they know their stuff at an unbelievable level.    It's all about attention to detail and creating perfection      I'd guess he'd get a kick from looking at Victorian engineering buildings like St Pancras Station  and steam pumping engines where the brickwork is part of the machine.     I'll bet he really wants to build his own house too - if you were to look into self-build and get some of the manufacturer's brochures delivered, it would be brick-porn for him

Having just moved house, he'll have taken on an internal stress load all about the condition of the house - every crack in the plaster, water mark in the kitchen, any damage or leaking tap - this will just sit and 'bother' him very gently - you can help him with that - which will show your commitment and wanting to take some of the load from him - get him to teach you basic skills that he can delegate to you - it would mean a lot to him - we love to feel we're not on our own with the problems - all help is welcomed.

What's his favourite way to decompress at the end of the day?

This is a really good idea - your right he wouldn’t be able to say but I think he would find it reassuring. 
Thank you so much for your reply