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Starting the conversation

CHBK18

Hi there, I have come to notice several traits in my partner he is 32 years old we have been together just over 2 years and I believe he might be on the spectrum. He is a hard working, great cook so loving and kind but Then there are random things that he does which are not his character and he doesn’t seem to realise. Rude remarks and he doesn’t realise they are rude, he can’t explain or talk about his feelings nor does he feel comfortable in showing them. His go to feeling is frustration because he doesn’t know how to show others (he has told me this himself). Many other things which I have witnessed and I have come to the conclusion that this might be why.

I have the feeling in my head that I want to discuss this with him as I feel it will help him with understanding himself better and also help us to understand our relationship better. How do you start this conversation? I would never want to hurt him but I feel like its causing so many arguments and upset in the relationship because we have never spoken about it? Not sure if I’m making any sense at all but if anyone can relate or throw some suggestions my way I would be extremely grateful.

TIA 

Parents

  • Wow that’s amazing- Great Wall skills he would love a little look at that!!

    I did it ........ I’m not sure what I have to feed back. He didn’t storm off and leave so that’s a bonus. It’s done thou so hopefully I’ve planted a nice seed and he will come back to me about it soon. 

    nearly vomited on the beautiful new table he made !! 

    thank you so much for all you support and help it’s been amazing 

  • in reply to CHBK18

    Yes, do come back and tell us how it goes. I'm AS and am considering telling my best friend he's AS. It clearly affects his life, but also massively affects our relatiinship, but I am scared of his reaction.

  • in reply to Mark (NicheMarket)

    I suspect my 2 male and 1 female cousins to have Asperger's too. out of 45. And my mum has mild at least, but she is masking 24/7, never got through.

  • in reply to aidie

    It's so tough.

    My guess is with MGG he has a suspicion about it, maybe even knows, but doesn't want to talk about it. But his shutdowns are so mega that it feels at least naming them and talking about them would be such a help for him. But I think he'd resist it. He's a brilliant listener, but when it comes to talking about my autistic traits he goes mute.

    I've a past colleague who i ummed and arghed about talking to, but didn't, and wonder if I've done her a dis-service now she's out of my life not telling her. She seems to struggle more in life than MGG.

    And I'd like suggest to my brother that his partner is, but he treats my autism as something unique and totally alien to him and his life, but I cd imagine it being a relief to her knowing.

    But I know there are people out there who it doesn't help, or didn't take well to it being suggested, and i get that.

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  • in reply to aidie

    It's so tough.

    My guess is with MGG he has a suspicion about it, maybe even knows, but doesn't want to talk about it. But his shutdowns are so mega that it feels at least naming them and talking about them would be such a help for him. But I think he'd resist it. He's a brilliant listener, but when it comes to talking about my autistic traits he goes mute.

    I've a past colleague who i ummed and arghed about talking to, but didn't, and wonder if I've done her a dis-service now she's out of my life not telling her. She seems to struggle more in life than MGG.

    And I'd like suggest to my brother that his partner is, but he treats my autism as something unique and totally alien to him and his life, but I cd imagine it being a relief to her knowing.

    But I know there are people out there who it doesn't help, or didn't take well to it being suggested, and i get that.

Children