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CHBK18

Hi there, I have come to notice several traits in my partner he is 32 years old we have been together just over 2 years and I believe he might be on the spectrum. He is a hard working, great cook so loving and kind but Then there are random things that he does which are not his character and he doesn’t seem to realise. Rude remarks and he doesn’t realise they are rude, he can’t explain or talk about his feelings nor does he feel comfortable in showing them. His go to feeling is frustration because he doesn’t know how to show others (he has told me this himself). Many other things which I have witnessed and I have come to the conclusion that this might be why.

I have the feeling in my head that I want to discuss this with him as I feel it will help him with understanding himself better and also help us to understand our relationship better. How do you start this conversation? I would never want to hurt him but I feel like its causing so many arguments and upset in the relationship because we have never spoken about it? Not sure if I’m making any sense at all but if anyone can relate or throw some suggestions my way I would be extremely grateful.

TIA 

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  • Maybe rather than full on chat, just choose one trait, state that you've observed x happening, how it seems to impact him, that you've wondered whether the trigger might be z going on, that you get it and want him to know you get it and it's ok, and you wondered how he experienced it. He probably won't be able to say, but the aim would be to be reassuring.

    maybe do this 2-3 times across a few weeks, and only then introduce the asperger thing and by posing it as a question of i just wonder if this might be going on.

    i doscovered it for myself, i don't know how i'd have felt if someone had pointed it out to me as an adult. I think i'd have thought they were crazy as i hadn't seen my pattern of difficulty asbeing anything beyond normal. My mother had tried to talk to me as a kid but i just ignored her even after i'd been given a diagnosis, i thought the problems were with the world, not me!

  • in reply to Mark (NicheMarket)

    This is a really good idea - your right he wouldn’t be able to say but I think he would find it reassuring. 
    Thank you so much for your reply Smiley

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