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CHBK18

Hi there, I have come to notice several traits in my partner he is 32 years old we have been together just over 2 years and I believe he might be on the spectrum. He is a hard working, great cook so loving and kind but Then there are random things that he does which are not his character and he doesn’t seem to realise. Rude remarks and he doesn’t realise they are rude, he can’t explain or talk about his feelings nor does he feel comfortable in showing them. His go to feeling is frustration because he doesn’t know how to show others (he has told me this himself). Many other things which I have witnessed and I have come to the conclusion that this might be why.

I have the feeling in my head that I want to discuss this with him as I feel it will help him with understanding himself better and also help us to understand our relationship better. How do you start this conversation? I would never want to hurt him but I feel like its causing so many arguments and upset in the relationship because we have never spoken about it? Not sure if I’m making any sense at all but if anyone can relate or throw some suggestions my way I would be extremely grateful.

TIA 

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  • PLASTICS- I can’t manage to reply to your latest comment.

    you are bang on the money with everything you say there - on numerous occasions I’ve asked what he is doing on his phone and the normal reply is watching a wall being laid with the specific brick we always joke about “brick porn” 

    we had a dripping tap - he replaced that. 
    we need plastering on some cracked ceilings - he is planning that - the shower leaked - it’s fixed. 

    literally everything your saying is what I’m getting for him. I always say “don’t worry about that crack for now blah blah blah” but I will engage more knowing it’s a big deal to him. 

    normally watching work videos on his phone and I’m always telling “babe stop thinking about work chill out “ I joke about phone bans but are these videos actually his way of chilling out? Am I here telling him to stop doing the one thing that chills him? He loves a beer and a good series - homeland is winning atm !! 

    I have written a letter and am planning on chatting tonight or over the weekend. 

  • in reply to CHBK18

    Great!        And yes, him watching brick porn videos is totally normal  Smiley     I'm a chartered engineer, rocket scientist and nuclear physicist (yes, really) and I spend my time watching youtubes of in-depth engineering like classic car repairs or the Space X SN9 about to launch - it's all just like being spoon-fed honey.

    I'm a total nerd - I needed a garden wall so I read all about it  - a bit like Neo in The Matrix - and this is the first wall I've ever built.

    Us aspies are capable of anything - except dealing with stress.     Bricklaying is a lovely job for an aspie - work alone, set your own high standard, it's all about details......

    If you can get to 'speak aspie' and keep him de-stressed, he'll be brilliant.    If you need something from him in the relationship, be clear and open about it - don't force him to have to guess - it just won't happen - we normally don't take offence to being given the inside track and told what you want - just keep the ambiguity of emotions from it.  Smiley

  • in reply to Plastic

    exactly, you say it like a normal thing, no hidden context, and it happens, with a smile

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Yeah, i can take feedback of all sorts, it comes as a relief, it's information. If it's "i want to leave you, " then yes i'm upset! Otherwise for me the stressful, confusing bit is not knowing what's going on or what i should do.

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