Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi guys I hope you can help I’m an aunty wife with a son with a spurges I also believe that my husband of 26 years has Asperger’s but he won’t countenance it or when I suggest that he may have it and that maybe some of her problems over the years particularly his behaviour has got more aggressive he’s become less present in the marriage and in the family unless it’s all on his terms and lockdown has served to change all his routineAnd plunging into anxiety and depression which is blaming on everyone and anything other than being able to reflect.
I suppose my question is has anybody ever experienced partner Burgess but won’t address will talk about it anyway?
If you suspect he's aspie then I'm not sure a diagnosis would add any value unless he's having problems at work which would allow him to ask for special arrangements in his workplace.
The problem is the gap between how our brain works compared to normal people - we are always expected to make all the effort and put up with all the stress so we can 'be more normal' - but what can you do to meet him half way?
We are all basically burned out with stress and anxiety - so what do you do to either increase or decrease his stress? How does he unwind after a day's social strain? Do you or the family start making demands of him directly he walks in the door? Where is his 'recovery' space? Is he allowed to have his own space and hobbies?
You may be witnessing him literally breaking down - very slowly.
I'm AS and I'm pretty sure my brother is and he refuses to get diagnosed too, often becoming visibly upset when it's suggested... I only got diagnosed as a 30yo but for me I was desperate for an explanation for my life, he has developed a way of coping that he is totally comfortable with and I suppose he won't investigate further until it interferes with his life enough that he can't step over it anymore. I think everyone comes to it in their own time, and especially with an AS person, on their own terms. I can empathise with feeling concerned for a loved one and feeling the impact on yourself and your family, but I can't forsee a way that trying to push someone into it getting a diagnosis will be beneficial for anyone involved. Perhaps just regular counselling/stress management etc will be a way to go about dealing with issues and who knows, he may come to it on his own. I only uncovered my own diagnosis through unrelated counselling. You sound like a patient person! Best of luck!
u can edit you original text to make it more readable.
Sorry NT not Aunty