Published on 12, July, 2020
my boyfriend with autism recently broke up with me, he told me that he still loves and cares for me but is overwhelmed in the relationship, I really care for him and I made some mistakes in our relationship, we are both young but I really want us to work in the future, we’ve continued being friends and he says he wants to work on us but doesn’t have the effort or energy. We stayed friends but a few days after our breakup we slept together and it confused me. We can have fun being friends but I can’t help but hope in the back of my mind that he’s going to re-charge and want to resolve things again, I love him very dearly but he told me today that he wouldn’t care if any of his friends died, including me, he said he wished he didn’t feel that way and he doesn’t know how to change it. I can’t help but think he doesn’t care about me anymore and wether I should leave him alone or not? Because he wants to talk to me but I don’t know wether that’s the best decision for him. He can’t communicate his emotions and most of the time he shuts off his emotions and feels numb all of the time. Any advice on how I can help him or what I should do? I’ve tried research and I’ve done most the things that people have said but nothing seems to be working for him. He also had a bit of a breakdown when we talked about our relationship and he started to hit his head.
I am an autistic male and i can inform you somethings are not as simple as they seem. Your trying to put meaning behind his action without actually know the thought process behind it and your own interpretation of his behaviour could be wrong despite you believing that you know him so well.
If he hasn't experience someone close to him dying, than he probably doesn't know how to respond death situations and that famous autism bluntness and false lack of empathy is at play. You need to acquire an answer from him on why you broke up in the first place.
He could still love you but is aware and understands that he might not be able to fulfill your needs emotionally and he is trying to spare you the from finding that out in a few years time. Maybe he can't cope with the social bombardment of relationship and maintaining or trying to maintain a job. Maybe he is ruminating on a problem he can't figure out socially or emotionally and it draining his batteries and reducing his ability to cope around people. What i am saying is that they may be a reason he cant verbal explain to justify his actions and it could be something extremely small to you or something completely random.
On the other hand he could behaving like trash bag and that behavior is not okay. You shouldn't be having coitus with him if you wish to maintain a friendship. Friends don't do that. Yes autism can drain our batteries and make us behave in certain ways but his behaviour could be that of typical inconsiderate hormonal male.I don't want to say it but he could just be using you.
I don't know how to put this to you but most autistic males especially around the ages of sixteen to twenty five who have problems with recognising emotions and significant struggles in regulating their behaviour don't typically engage in sexual activity or romantic relationships as it takes to much energy out of us and far too socially complex. what i am saying is that we emotionally mature a lot slower than most neurotypicals and have a very immature mind set.
The best thing to do is leave him alone for a set period and see if his behaviour changes when you start talking again. it may be subtle but there would be a small difference in the way he acts after seeing you again. We do experience emotions but we typically don't display them in a typical manor or we confuse certain emotions. If he still behaves negatively and believes he still wouldn't miss you if you went missing then my dear he is a old crusty damp bath mat that won't burn. do you really want be in a relationship with the human equivalent to an old crusty damp bath mat that won't burn.