Socialisation

 a biggee,, heres a quick 30 second response from an amateur.

1. men can use anyone for sex --- autistic men are just the same

2. if u are to continue with him it will be very on and off  with maybe the on and offs getting shorter and shorter

3. that bit about killing everyone is true, i have that. But 3 months, even a year later we do miss people so he is saying that now but he would miss u later when it sinks it. He is expressing his immediate thoughts. 

4. do not sleep him while u are friends. Friends dont do that.

5. leave him for a week. no contact. no texts. like u are dead.  then go talk to him.

Have rules you want followed and write them down and give them to him. if he wants you he has to obey these baseline rules, no sex again ( it confuses things) until u live together/get married/decide to have kids keep 2 in mind when writing the rules ask him what he whats to do when he cant think about emotions. What  are u to do ?

seriously, think about how raising a kid with this person would work,,,,,,,,,its a very serious thing. Children aren't  just for xmas. 

6. talk  to his mum/dad if u really want to be serious with him because they really know him

your age is a big factor here,, so what is his age and your age ?

I am 18 and he is 21. I really want a future with him as he is the kindest soul ever, he’s starting to open up more but do you think maybe just letting go is the best for him? Or just giving him space I’m not sure. I only want what is best for him.

u are very young and so is he which is good,,,,,,,,,so leave/give him space for a week,

act dead,

see what he does 

but eventually in 1 - 2 years say

u do have to decide, with him, is this it ? are we going to live together for ever / and /or have kids

u need to think what is good for you, 

then about  any resulting children,  

then him

you are not autistic right ?

.

aidie how did you guess the writer was NT?

I go around the world thinking everyone is AS. If it wasn't for the graphs showing the results of the AS tests on NTs I,d almost think we were living in a collective delusion. I guess that's engaging 1-1 with people. Put them together and I definitely experience being an alien in amongst them. But when I read books like 'Pretending to be Normal', I just don't get that this is only an AS experience, I still think 'doesn't this go on for everyone'?

And I think it's healthy for you that you're drawing a boundary, well done! It's easy to get hooked into these dynamics and end up being codependent.

PS giving yourself a name through exiting your profile helps distinguish your commentsfrom all the other people.

I'm not sure what you mean by letting him go as a friend, but then talking to him in a week. Is that to re-engage as friends? To get clarity on what's gone on? Or to support him?

I'm conscious you may find this pattern repeating itself if you do re-engage. I'm AS and been trying to get into a relationship with an AS guy who sounds similar to your guy. He's withdrawn 4 times now in shutdown/overwhelm in the last twelve months. We re-engage, it's back to normal, then something triggers him, and he runs away and can't communicate. I still care about him and cos I'm AS I understand, tolarate and indulge his behaviour. For me the key is not resolving our relationship issue, but him first working on his communication issue, us being explicit about that, acknowledging the dynamics, working on finding a way to comunicate about his experience of shutdown and finding talking hard.

I decided to let him go as my friend, I feel like that’s the best for us both and we can’t move on without doing that, maybe in a weeks time we can possibly talk again but for now I’m not speaking to him 

yes i guessed u r NT.

he is going to have meltdowns whether u are around or not.

leave him for a week. then get back here with how he is

get him on here ! 

yes i guessed u r NT.

he is going to have meltdowns whether u are around or not.

leave him for a week. then get back here with how he is

get him on here ! 

aidie how did you guess the writer was NT?

I go around the world thinking everyone is AS. If it wasn't for the graphs showing the results of the AS tests on NTs I,d almost think we were living in a collective delusion. I guess that's engaging 1-1 with people. Put them together and I definitely experience being an alien in amongst them. But when I read books like 'Pretending to be Normal', I just don't get that this is only an AS experience, I still think 'doesn't this go on for everyone'?

And I think it's healthy for you that you're drawing a boundary, well done! It's easy to get hooked into these dynamics and end up being codependent.

PS giving yourself a name through exiting your profile helps distinguish your commentsfrom all the other people.

I'm not sure what you mean by letting him go as a friend, but then talking to him in a week. Is that to re-engage as friends? To get clarity on what's gone on? Or to support him?

I'm conscious you may find this pattern repeating itself if you do re-engage. I'm AS and been trying to get into a relationship with an AS guy who sounds similar to your guy. He's withdrawn 4 times now in shutdown/overwhelm in the last twelve months. We re-engage, it's back to normal, then something triggers him, and he runs away and can't communicate. I still care about him and cos I'm AS I understand, tolarate and indulge his behaviour. For me the key is not resolving our relationship issue, but him first working on his communication issue, us being explicit about that, acknowledging the dynamics, working on finding a way to comunicate about his experience of shutdown and finding talking hard.

I decided to let him go as my friend, I feel like that’s the best for us both and we can’t move on without doing that, maybe in a weeks time we can possibly talk again but for now I’m not speaking to him