Published on 12, July, 2020
MY Husband was diagnosed with ASD a couple of years ago and has always had episodes where it has been hard to live with him. Recently due to Covid and isolation, these have become worse than usual, and I am really struggling. He has so much hate for the world inside him, which he takes out on me. I cannot do or say the right thing at the moment and its really getting me down. We are supposed to be decorating our lounge before Christmas, but he has given up on it after removing all the furniture and destroying the carpet. My problem is I find it hard to distinguish between ASD behaviour and a controlling relationship. I seem to spend all my time saying sorry. I try to understand him, but I dont always get it right and spend my life walking on eggshells around him. Feeling quite desperate right now.
NAS70253 said:My problem is I find it hard to distinguish between ASD behaviour and a controlling relationship. I seem to spend all my time saying sorry. I try to understand him, but I dont always get it right and spend my life walking on eggshells around him. Feeling quite desperate right now.
You might possibly find 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome' worth a read, as usually costs just short of £20, or there is the following free PDF link:
http://www.autismforthvalley.co.uk/files/5314/4595/7798/Attwood-Tony-The-Complete-Guide-to-Aspergers-Syndrome.pdf
It explains pretty much everything and gives workarounds for a great deal of the problems we face.
With you stating your husbands diagnosis was a couple of years ago, most people have a diagnostic hangover for up to about four years, as they readjust to recognising themselves as being different rather than being out of order or faulty, which can take some getting over.
It might help if your husband reads a copy of the book also ~ so that you can compare notes and discuss the most amenable work arounds for you both as equals.
One tip often suggested is that of writing down the relationship issues in a prearranged letter or text rather than addressing them verbally without warning ~ as it minimises emotional and sensory overload with no immediate pressure to respond, and replying in writing helps some people come to terms with emotional issues without directly involving their partner and facilitates as such a 'cooling-off' / 'settling-down' process.
Thanks. I will give that a read.