I am the mother of a son with aspergers diagnosed for a year. He is 32yrs .

I am a little late to this and I don't like to say it but i think i kinda understand where your son is coming from, I'm kinda angry at my mother for neglecting and not making the effort to get me assessed and diagnosed when i was a child, having the right support at school could of changed my life trajectory and the amount of abuse i experienced from my step dad, brothers and other people for the unfair disciplining for not acting normal and having uncontrollable meltdowns.

But saying this i am in my early twenties and back when i was in secondary school people knew enough about autism to make the realisation i was on the spectrum.  your son on the other hand your son in 32 years old and not many people knew what autism was so do not blame yourself.

I hate myself for admitting it, but if you compare me to the others who were diagnosed as child with autism compare to me who got diagnosed at 22 they have definitely benefited greatly from the support to the point where they have a full time job and their own families. what i am trying to say is getting the right support and help when your not child or a child transitioning to adulthood is difficult when your diagnosed as an adult because the support isn't their and playing catch up with your peers of the same age is frustrating. The worst part is when you don't have the autism diagnosis your constantly stressed because you can't figure out why you can't manage a full job, maintain friendships and irritate people for just being you. 

i've spoken to an autism counsellor myself who explained to me that it is common for those with late autism diagnosis in the late twenties and early thirties to feel resentful of their parents and it ok for you autistic son to feel that way.

If he feels anything similar to i feel toward my mother and stepdad  he is probably more angry about the way you have treated him throughout the years and i bet you have had multiple intervention where you have forced your opinions and expectation on him and pushed him to achieving stuff that is unrealistic for him to achieve and ignored him when he has tried to communicate his difficulties and branded him as being lazy. 

The worst thing you can do is not accept that you had a role in the person he has became and to acknowledge all the stuff you did wrong because your son can't process and move on with his life if he is ruminating on the fact everything wrong with him and what happened to him is strictly because of the autism and how it has affect his life, no therapist or counsellor is going to help him move on in life if you do not talk through and apologize and accept for all the major life events he struggling to work through himself. you cant change the past but you can do something in the present to change his future.

I believe from experience that you haven't posted what lead to the confrontation where your son has started to blame you, maybe you made a commented of something he has done in the past that the autism could be responsible for or explain like making poor decisions like quitting a job. 

I am a little late to this and I don't like to say it but i think i kinda understand where your son is coming from, I'm kinda angry at my mother for neglecting and not making the effort to get me assessed and diagnosed when i was a child, having the right support at school could of changed my life trajectory and the amount of abuse i experienced from my step dad, brothers and other people for the unfair disciplining for not acting normal and having uncontrollable meltdowns.

But saying this i am in my early twenties and back when i was in secondary school people knew enough about autism to make the realisation i was on the spectrum.  your son on the other hand your son in 32 years old and not many people knew what autism was so do not blame yourself.

I hate myself for admitting it, but if you compare me to the others who were diagnosed as child with autism compare to me who got diagnosed at 22 they have definitely benefited greatly from the support to the point where they have a full time job and their own families. what i am trying to say is getting the right support and help when your not child or a child transitioning to adulthood is difficult when your diagnosed as an adult because the support isn't their and playing catch up with your peers of the same age is frustrating. The worst part is when you don't have the autism diagnosis your constantly stressed because you can't figure out why you can't manage a full job, maintain friendships and irritate people for just being you. 

i've spoken to an autism counsellor myself who explained to me that it is common for those with late autism diagnosis in the late twenties and early thirties to feel resentful of their parents and it ok for you autistic son to feel that way.

If he feels anything similar to i feel toward my mother and stepdad  he is probably more angry about the way you have treated him throughout the years and i bet you have had multiple intervention where you have forced your opinions and expectation on him and pushed him to achieving stuff that is unrealistic for him to achieve and ignored him when he has tried to communicate his difficulties and branded him as being lazy. 

The worst thing you can do is not accept that you had a role in the person he has became and to acknowledge all the stuff you did wrong because your son can't process and move on with his life if he is ruminating on the fact everything wrong with him and what happened to him is strictly because of the autism and how it has affect his life, no therapist or counsellor is going to help him move on in life if you do not talk through and apologize and accept for all the major life events he struggling to work through himself. you cant change the past but you can do something in the present to change his future.

I believe from experience that you haven't posted what lead to the confrontation where your son has started to blame you, maybe you made a commented of something he has done in the past that the autism could be responsible for or explain like making poor decisions like quitting a job.