Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't know if this has any links to my autism, or is an off-shoot because of anxiety, or feelings of being lost sometimes. I'm not suicidal; let me make that clear. What I do is think about death, which is quite different to thinking about suicide.
I'm in my fifties, but even at much earlier ages, I've always thought about things like; should I be buried or cremated, or what song should play at my funeral etc. I think about things like this on a daily basis, but definitely when I'm more anxious and not coping. I get very emotional when I hear about death on the news etc. It's just a subject I can't ignore. The prospect of dying scares me. I also have an empathy with musicians who write songs of that generally sad leaning.
When at work, I will look down the stairwell from the top and whilst I repeat I'm not suicidal, I do think about what it would be like to fall.
Just curious if this fits with anyone else. Apologies for raising this, but felt I needed to express my thoughts.
Death is part of life and like someone has already said it will happen to us all at some point. Life is tough with all the worrying we do already never mind about worrying about death. I think being scared about death is kind of normal because the vast majority don't want to think it will happen to us.
I lost my mother sadly earlier on this year and I was sat by her side as she took her last look at me and last breath and the comforting thing for me was being by her side in the time of need to let her know she was not alone I tried my best to make her feel relaxed by stroking her head and telling her to "rest just rest mum".
The thought of losing my mum was the biggest worry in my life and now I'm living on without her but I think about her everyday knowing she lives on in me. We had a special bond she understood me and I'm thankful for having her as my mum.
I think death is a scary thought for us because its the unknown of how our life will end but also knowing it will. I don't know of any words that can take your worrying thoughts away from you but want to let you know you are not alone.