Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't know if this has any links to my autism, or is an off-shoot because of anxiety, or feelings of being lost sometimes. I'm not suicidal; let me make that clear. What I do is think about death, which is quite different to thinking about suicide.
I'm in my fifties, but even at much earlier ages, I've always thought about things like; should I be buried or cremated, or what song should play at my funeral etc. I think about things like this on a daily basis, but definitely when I'm more anxious and not coping. I get very emotional when I hear about death on the news etc. It's just a subject I can't ignore. The prospect of dying scares me. I also have an empathy with musicians who write songs of that generally sad leaning.
When at work, I will look down the stairwell from the top and whilst I repeat I'm not suicidal, I do think about what it would be like to fall.
Just curious if this fits with anyone else. Apologies for raising this, but felt I needed to express my thoughts.
Thinking of you Plastic, sorry you have these challenges. So finite this life of ours but rest assured you've made a difference to lots of people's lives through this forum at least
I think about death everyday. I have a play list running called 'An Ode To Life' which I constantly tweak that is there waiting incase I cark it.
I'm an artist and famously artists always think about death.
I think it's normal. I also think it enriches your life as you then appreciate the alive days so much more
I can relate to those thoughts about death, especially when anxiety kicks in. You need to talk to somebody about it
I have seen half a dozen people dying while in the Cardiology ward. Packing and taking a corpse away is a very fast and clean operation, nurses do that with the same emotion they feel when taking away dirty laundry. Seeing such a thing helps you put things in perspective. Life is meaningless, could end up any minute and your warm corpse will be processed in a minute by somebody that will forget about it at the end of their shift. I ended up accepting the idea, to the point that I was really surprised when I woke up after the surgery.
Such thoughts can lead to depression
Death is part of life and like someone has already said it will happen to us all at some point. Life is tough with all the worrying we do already never mind about worrying about death. I think being scared about death is kind of normal because the vast majority don't want to think it will happen to us.
I lost my mother sadly earlier on this year and I was sat by her side as she took her last look at me and last breath and the comforting thing for me was being by her side in the time of need to let her know she was not alone I tried my best to make her feel relaxed by stroking her head and telling her to "rest just rest mum".
The thought of losing my mum was the biggest worry in my life and now I'm living on without her but I think about her everyday knowing she lives on in me. We had a special bond she understood me and I'm thankful for having her as my mum.
I think death is a scary thought for us because its the unknown of how our life will end but also knowing it will. I don't know of any words that can take your worrying thoughts away from you but want to let you know you are not alone.
My old RE Teacher said, "We prepare for death by living life to the full!"
Get the bucket list going.
Thank you all for your honest and touching responses. I do apologise if I've once again directed your thoughts down this path.
The lack of control and uncertainty makes a lot of sense on why I, we, may muse about it.
Happy thoughts and best wishes to all.
I think this is classic 'loss of control' reasoning. Death is the one big thing that will happen to all of us and we don't have a lot of control over it - it commands us as to when our life is over - and we don't know when or how that might happen. We don't work well with unknowns - it causes stress and anxiety so it becomes an unsolvable problem for us - which will rattle around our brain forever as we try to solve it. Suicidal thoughts give some kind of control over this random event - but it's not healthy to ruminate over it all.
I'm seriously ill - multiple problems that each could end my life suddenly - I am always aware of my body and trying to measure the amount of pain or type of symptoms I'm suffering from day to day to try to measure if I'm on an 'up' or a 'down' path. It's hard because the nasty meds all give horrible side effects too - so the pattern is very complex. I try to make sure all of my projects are in a position where I could probably get them done or pay someone to finish them if things take a turn for the worse. I make sure I don't spend money on frivolous things that cannot be sold after I'm gone. I make sure there's enough money to tidy up after myself if things go downhill fast.
It's the engineer in me that wants to leave a clean slate with minimal hassle for anyone if things change suddenly.
I have overthought about it sometimes too, some days I feel like I could randomly die in a car crash and not even be here tomorrow. My main fear in life is losing family or friends. I try not to overthink about my own death, it must just be like being asleep and you don't even know
Im 24 and yes I can also relate to these thoughts. I'm not suicidal either but yes the thoughts do cross my mind sometimes. Also don't know of this is ASD related either. It's really hard to determine sometimes.
Hi and welcome. Yes I relate to most of this.
I'm only 23 and I am thinking about death 90% of the time. I do have severe health issues so it's slightly understandable but I have already preplanned my funeral, the service, the music and the cars which will take me to and from. I'm not suicidal either but a lot of the time I do think about walking in front of cars or stabbing myself. Just casual regular thoughts for me.
I don't know if it's asd related though. It might be I'm not really sure.