Desperately need advice about my partner!

Hello I’m new here. I’m here because I strongly suspect my partner is autistic. He has a chromosome deletion which has a high prevalence of people with ASD (my son was diagnosed with this so we both had to be tested). Without the deletion however, I would strongly suspect it anyway. I’ll run through briefly what his behaviour can be like. He cannot cope with big life events/ change eg moving, the weeks after our children were born. He frequently gets into terrible moods and ignores me. When I confront him he refuses to talk about it. And gets angry if I try to insist. He never asks me how I am when it seems really obvious that he should eg feeling unwell, receiving bad news, worrying about something. He always has to be right, he cannot take criticism, he hates being asked to do things. He cannot get up in the morning for work by himself. I have to wake him several times. If I get cross at him for not getting up he gets angry with me. He hates socialising and prefers his own company. He shows no empathy for others. He is a very good father, very loving and patient though quite old fashioned sometimes. He has a very good job as an engineer and to friends and family he seems sociable, happy and friendly. At home he is a different person. I am at my wits end. I feel like I’m walking on egg shells all the time. Hoping he will be in a good mood only to say the wrong thing and him be in a bad mood. Does this sound like autistic behaviour? I honestly try to put myself in his shoes. I try to think about how he sees the world differently but sometimes it just feels too much. I’m so lonely and I don’t know what to do.

Parents
  • It definitely sounds like he is autistic to me. I am in a very similar situation though I am in a relationship but not married to him. I understand exactly how you feel, my partner can be thoughtless, show no empathy, get angry very easily and not talk for days. I am new on here an going to join in on a zoom meeting tonight for partners of autistic people, you may also benefit from it. I know what you mean when you say walking on egg shells as that is a term I have also used today. I have asked my partner to go to go see his GP and get properly diagnosed then he could have therapy which is not a cure but can help, also the two of you could go for therapy together but with someone who is experienced in autism, that is the path I am hoping to take though currently he isn't talking to me.

Reply
  • It definitely sounds like he is autistic to me. I am in a very similar situation though I am in a relationship but not married to him. I understand exactly how you feel, my partner can be thoughtless, show no empathy, get angry very easily and not talk for days. I am new on here an going to join in on a zoom meeting tonight for partners of autistic people, you may also benefit from it. I know what you mean when you say walking on egg shells as that is a term I have also used today. I have asked my partner to go to go see his GP and get properly diagnosed then he could have therapy which is not a cure but can help, also the two of you could go for therapy together but with someone who is experienced in autism, that is the path I am hoping to take though currently he isn't talking to me.

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