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Funeral

MatthewD
over 4 years ago

Hi I'm Matthew,

My gran is very sick at the moment and will be gone in a few days sadly, my dad is going to say goodbye today. 

I'm very worried about the funeral because I've never been to one before and usually when I go out to places it causes me to get very hot and I usually pass out. I'm in two minds about whether to go or not. In the past when talking about funerals my gran said she would love for me to go to hers but she understood if I couldn't do it. I don't know what to do. I want to be there, say goodbye and support my dad and mum but I'm not sure if mentally I am up to it. I do know what to do.

Parents
  • 3 months ago

    Hi, so I’ve been to a couple of funerals and also get hot quickly. Usually there is a ceremony held indoors and then some sort of gathering of people afterwards often with food and drink- are you worried about the ceremony specifically (the usually indoors part) or just the funeral in general? Some suggestions:

    • ask for a list of service and the plans for the day (there is often one produced anyway, listing speakers and music played etc.)
    • wear slightly more relaxed clothing than you may think- if you’re worried about formal wear getting hot, there may be some changes you can make eg not wearing a tie or wearing loose fitting trousers made of plant fibres (cotton or linen). If there was an item of clothing your grandma loved, wearing that is also a lovely show of affection. 
    • sit near the door, or consider only going to the ‘celebration of life’ afterwards (if there is one). If you tell the funeral home employees (or you could hand them a card explaining) they can help- they’re usually very kind. It’s quite acceptable if you need to leave the service halfway through for some air
    • Take a comfort item- I have a little dinosaur I like to look at that helps me relax and ground myself, sometimes a distraction can be a good thing

    I hope these help if you’d like to go, but there’s also no judgement from anyone here (or your grandma from the sounds of things) if you feel you can’t handle it. Grief is very personal and a complex topic, so feeling uncertain around it is totally understandable. 

Reply
  • 3 months ago

    Hi, so I’ve been to a couple of funerals and also get hot quickly. Usually there is a ceremony held indoors and then some sort of gathering of people afterwards often with food and drink- are you worried about the ceremony specifically (the usually indoors part) or just the funeral in general? Some suggestions:

    • ask for a list of service and the plans for the day (there is often one produced anyway, listing speakers and music played etc.)
    • wear slightly more relaxed clothing than you may think- if you’re worried about formal wear getting hot, there may be some changes you can make eg not wearing a tie or wearing loose fitting trousers made of plant fibres (cotton or linen). If there was an item of clothing your grandma loved, wearing that is also a lovely show of affection. 
    • sit near the door, or consider only going to the ‘celebration of life’ afterwards (if there is one). If you tell the funeral home employees (or you could hand them a card explaining) they can help- they’re usually very kind. It’s quite acceptable if you need to leave the service halfway through for some air
    • Take a comfort item- I have a little dinosaur I like to look at that helps me relax and ground myself, sometimes a distraction can be a good thing

    I hope these help if you’d like to go, but there’s also no judgement from anyone here (or your grandma from the sounds of things) if you feel you can’t handle it. Grief is very personal and a complex topic, so feeling uncertain around it is totally understandable. 

Children
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