Published on 12, July, 2020
What does it take for a woman I love to love me too and not me totally unsuitable?
The last woman who felt the same way, when I let her stay the night at my flat, pee'd on the bathroom and bedroom floor. I'm not joking!
It's easy for all you lot who've not got a criminal record like me, or who didn't drop out of school like I did. Suppose I'm just meant to gather dust? You'd think I'd be irresistable with my guitar skills and worldly travels under my belt.
Well, there's nothing left for it now but to buy a big American car, spend all my money on insuring it and keeping it repaired and be absolutely gorgeous. I can't complain too much while I still have a bank account to finance it. I've been a bit of a green plonker bothered about global warming for the past decade and a half but that's all seeming a bit unimportant now. Who gives a sod if the world ends if you can't find anyone to love?
It comes across as though it is you who reject other people, thus, then in turn they keep away from you as they feel hurt.
Roswell said: maybe I will do higher education one day but not for now as too many of the local college staff are horrible, bureaucratic idiots
Working in HE a lot of students come from outside of the area and catch 2 buses, or a bus and a train. If you don't like your local establishment you could do this too? If you're not happy with your life you need to be proactive and do your best to change things.
Roswell said:most people who do things the mainstream way will still see me as a loser
You make huge sweeping statements about how awful people when you haven't even given them a chance. What evidence is this based upon? Most people in the mainstream have set backs. I know a lot of people who came to education later, or do not have a degree at all, and this hasn't set them back. Your experience of life is like a lot of other people and mainstream society accepts them. As an autistic you have to be careful not to create differences when they do not exist. You have a lot more in common with others than what sets you apart.
It sounds like you've been in hurt in the past, therefore:
If you continue with this path all that you can guarantee is that you'll live the rest of your life lonely and miserable.
Okay well maybe I will do higher education one day but not for now as too many of the local college staff are horrible, bureaucratic idiots. They get things wrong all the time, then take ages to give refunds or don't inform you about changes in schedules so you turn up and there's no class on. And I don't like the Open University or distance learning. So I will just do things my own way, but of course most people who do things the mainstream way will still see me as a loser. I've met quite a few women who are very forward about their mental health problems, complaining about how the NHS treat them and so on, but don't regard me as equal to them, often ignoring me and looking down on me. So I have to conclude society rejects me and I may as well just live for myself. If no one appreciates my contributions, so be it.
I've done that sometimes but quite a few times I've attracted people who were actually very sweet and kind. Then mysteriously they have an excuse after a while why they can't spend any more time with me.
Okay I will spend my time on other things but love is to me like medication, it helps my anxiety and depression. As Shakespeare wrote "And when love speaks the voice of all the gods make heaven drowsy with the harmony".
Roswell said:It's easy for all you lot who've not got a criminal record like me, or who didn't drop out of school like I did. Suppose I'm just meant to gather dust?
No it isn't. Most people take a very long time to find the one (my husband was 37), plus there are even more people who settle and spend decades with the wrong person just so they're with someone.
My husband was a bit of a t**t when we first met and thought he was unlovable and that I was only interested in him due to his salary. At times that attitude nearly pushed me away. It sounds like your behaviour is similar and that you're self-destructive. Many autistic individuals have dealings with the criminal justice system and drop out of education. I have and I've gone one to teach in HE. As such, I don't think it's your background that is preventing you from finding love but rather your attitude caused by your poor mental health.
I wonder if we dont see the queues that a person is toxic until it's too late? Its certainly in my case anyway
I seem to attract the nasty type, the ones out to use me for whatever they need
I liked a boy at school and he treated me badly as well. my birth mum says that there’s someone out there for everyone and not to spend all your time looking for love, when the time is right ur find the right one for you in an unlikely place maybe at the library or in the shops.
If I were you I would try and enjoy myself more rather than worry about love. Love is nice I expect but there’s got to be more to life than it right?
Maybe go out and enjoy the sunshine or spend some time with nature. I love how many different things the world and life offers us