Published on 12, July, 2020
So recently I've been dealing with loneliness issues and the isolation as a result of current circumstances hasn't been helping.
I've just recently turned 23 and I've lost a lot of close friends in an online social circle that I had. I made a drastic mistake and a lot of people I knew have turned their backs on me, telling me I need "serious help" and the people that did stick by me don't talk to me the same way anymore. It's like they're actively trying to avoid talking to me, they won't start a conversation with me anymore and will only talk if I talk first but they seem completely disinterested and only trying to be nice for the sake of it. The entire incident has negatively impacted my mental health and I don't feel like I can function normally anymore. I've made plenty of mistakes throughout my life but this feels like the worst one yet, those friends shared a lot of my niche interests and seemed genuinely interested in me as a friend and a person. To lose them like that just feels like a huge punch to the gut.
I've been trying to find new friends to fill in the gap it's left behind but I've had no luck in any online social communities or even dating sites. Real life friends would be better for me but they're a lot harder for me to find than online friends since I am mostly introverted and it's not like I can go out anywhere right now anyway.
Bottom line is: I just really want friends. Friends who become close friends that stick by me and who I can regularly hang out with to play video games together and share a good laugh and maybe even meet physically if distance allows, but I have no idea how that's going to happen and I lose hope every day trying. I just feel lonely and hated and it's quickly getting to the point where it feels like my efforts are hopeless.
Is there anyone out there who could be a friend like this or just offer some advice?
People can be really judgemental online. I'm not very good at chatting in general, but would suggest looking at meetup to see if there are any groups you'd be interested in around your area.
Hi Fluffster01, I hope that you can forgive yourself and be kinder to yourself. We all stuff up sometimes, even those who are being less forgiving. Ok it's worse when it's open to view from others but…
Cutting ties and starting from scratch is not such a bad idea as if they abandoned you so easily they weren't real friends anyway. Don't castigate yourself. Just take a step back and think. There are no…
Have you tried to break the awkwardness with those who stayed in touch with you b humour and signal to them somehow that you understood your mistake and won't repeat it?
Yes, but it hasn't really had any effect. They even mentioned there's no way that mistake can be erased from their mind now that it's happened. It's the type of mistake that isn't so much about doing it again, but rather doing it in the first place. The unforgivable kind.
I've decided to cut ties to all the people who were related to that incident since all it's going to do is remind me and cause me more pain. I'll move on and find some new friends, I might take a look at that meetup.com site someone suggested since it looks like a good way to find groups in my local area.
Hi Fluffster01, I hope that you can forgive yourself and be kinder to yourself. We all stuff up sometimes, even those who are being less forgiving. Ok it's worse when it's open to view from others but you are allowed to make a mistake; recognise it and apologise, which is what you seem to have done. Real friends will stick with you, don't worry about the rest. Draw a line under it and in the nicest possible way, move on :)
Cutting ties and starting from scratch is not such a bad idea as if they abandoned you so easily they weren't real friends anyway. Don't castigate yourself. Just take a step back and think. There are no absolutes in the world. It is unlikely that everyone hates you , think about it. It is certainly an exaggeration. It is also unlikely people hate you. This is such a high energy emotion. Cheer up.
hey, what games do you play and what platform. I too am lonely and looking for people to share my past time with
Hi, Fluffster. I'm really sorry you're having a tough time at the moment. I think it's disappointing that your friends have given up on you based on one event.
I can see that some others have recommended looking at meetup. I'd also suggest looking at a company called Spice - they're an activity group aimed at building friendships. They're based all over the country and they have a separate group for Under 40s (although Under 40s can still attend the events for the wider group if they'd like to).
Hope this helps a little.
Hi!! I hope you are feeling fine. My words for you are: get youself a pet: a dog, a cat, a guinea pig, a white dove... a pet is the best friend you will ever have. Believe me.
I know how you feel, through primary and secondary school and college I thought I had friends but I was never invited out, or got texts/phone calls from them and when I was with them I didn’t understand what they were talking about/laughing about. I have only a couple of friends online that I am so grateful for, but I have no friends who live close to me to hang out with.
May I ask where about you live? I live in the Wirral x