Published on 12, July, 2020
So recently I've been dealing with loneliness issues and the isolation as a result of current circumstances hasn't been helping.
I've just recently turned 23 and I've lost a lot of close friends in an online social circle that I had. I made a drastic mistake and a lot of people I knew have turned their backs on me, telling me I need "serious help" and the people that did stick by me don't talk to me the same way anymore. It's like they're actively trying to avoid talking to me, they won't start a conversation with me anymore and will only talk if I talk first but they seem completely disinterested and only trying to be nice for the sake of it. The entire incident has negatively impacted my mental health and I don't feel like I can function normally anymore. I've made plenty of mistakes throughout my life but this feels like the worst one yet, those friends shared a lot of my niche interests and seemed genuinely interested in me as a friend and a person. To lose them like that just feels like a huge punch to the gut.
I've been trying to find new friends to fill in the gap it's left behind but I've had no luck in any online social communities or even dating sites. Real life friends would be better for me but they're a lot harder for me to find than online friends since I am mostly introverted and it's not like I can go out anywhere right now anyway.
Bottom line is: I just really want friends. Friends who become close friends that stick by me and who I can regularly hang out with to play video games together and share a good laugh and maybe even meet physically if distance allows, but I have no idea how that's going to happen and I lose hope every day trying. I just feel lonely and hated and it's quickly getting to the point where it feels like my efforts are hopeless.
Is there anyone out there who could be a friend like this or just offer some advice?
I have just written this:
I seem to be unable to make and keep friends. I don't fit in with anyone and always end up with people who are strange. Not being nasty, but honestly, I always end up with friends who are very mentally ill. One friend is constantly on about her health. One friend is massively over weight and thinks only of herself. I invited for dinner once and she never said thank you. I've always been there for her but when I needed her, she didn't help me. Another was under psychiatrist and would write very odd messages to me that made no sense. Another was eccentric and her dog would pee on my floor and she didn't notice, she would laugh and spill wine but not notice. When I make friends with successful people I am not accepted and feel out of place, I think because I'm more timid than many or I end up getting pushed around by them. So I am alone all the time. Don't get me wrong, I have cared for my friends but just notice I can only keep the broken ones. When I was younger, I always felt like a Raggy Doll (old cartoon) I always felt I was one of them and so are my friends.