Published on 12, July, 2020
Covid-19 has disrupted many peoples lives and some are not lucky enough to be here so I have found it difficult to communicate my struggles while there are people worse off , I just felt I wasn’t entitled to be finding things hard.
I still do feel that I dont have the right to be unhappy and think this is why I have took it out on myslef. Everything is just different so I have no routine and seem to be thinking about the rules and who’s breaking them and am I doing it right all the time it is just really exhausting. I have engaged in some self harm which I am ashamed of but at the time it really helped me cope, whilst I am sat thinking about how silly I have been it has got me thinking if self harm is something common within autism. I have never done this until a couple of years ago something happened which felt like my world fell apart and this was something that helped, at the time I hadn’t got my diagnosis.
I think what I am trying to ask is does anybody else do this?, why would I suddenly do this out of the blue if it is a trait of my autism and also if you have done this have you found something else that helps instead. I just feel a little lost at the min and whilst I have no intention of doing something ultra dangerous I do worry things could progress later down the line.
sorry for the ramble, I am finding it difficult to articulate things at the min
Hi
I think your doctor was very wrong to suggest this. Self-harm can be correlated with autism due to the anxiety or the tendancy to get distressed and feel "stuck". It is a sign of depression. Here is a link to an article which says it better than I can:
https://molecularautism.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13229-019-0267-3
Self-harm can happen in episodes and you may be doing it because your fight-or-flight reflex used to allow you to do something else, that you were less conscious of, or for some reason (eg lockdown maybe) you are feeling rooted to the spot or more lonely, etc. and this is what you turn to. Or you might even be more depressed than you were, hence take up self-harm.
I would recommend you speak to another doctor and get help such as talking therapy, to deal with the dark thoughts that cause you to self-harm: I don't want to write trigger-y comments here and I especially dont' want to turn this into a pro-self-harm forum but, lets just say, self harm feels like a relief at the time, but it can be a slippery slope to something worse.
thank you for the link, I looked at it briefly but my heads not very focussed at the min. I know you don’t agree with the dr but what’s odd is the new dr I’ve been give I don’t think agrees with the old dr so it makes it a little awkward.
I had some bloods due and the nurse noticed the damage even though I’d hidden it and she was really good. She didn’t make a deal of it and didn’t make me feel bad. She just said we know this happens don’t worry I will patch you up and won’t tell your dr. I think she did that as I’m struggling having a new dr with different opinions, I keep thinking I’m doing things wrong .
one thing I can’t get my head around is how I can run businesses and solve issues for people with struggling businesses with my eyes closed so I guess people class this as fairly successful but then on the other side I am hurting myself. It’s like I’m too different people. I feel bad after I’ve done it which is a circle as i should be punished so I do it again. I feel so much better after I’ve done it, until I realise I’ve been an idiot again. I also feel embarrassed talking about it so not sure I can contact anybody for help
thank you for taking time to reply to me it is appreciated, I wish I was normal whatever normal is