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Just shut up

Matthew

So here I am mapping out how to interact with my wife.

I need to ignore her snips the constant injecting herself commenting on everything.

Or is it me am I too sensitive to her, I'm going to work on just ignoring the jibs, respond when she talks kindley.

I get it she gets annoyed everytime I challenge her on something, she needs to be heard  and achknowledge and respected even if I don't agree with what she's saying or telling me

about me.

She needs her opinions listened to.

This is hard for me, any thoughts welcome

  • in reply to Plectrum

    Hi Plectrum

    Wise words, thanks for taking the time.

    And yes its painful to contrmplate divorce and giving up, I realise i've fudged up and hurt a good woman, and don't want to lose my kids.

  • in reply to Matthew

    Counsellors are about chemistry, if one doesn't work I advise looking for one that has the right chemistry.

    Or, maybe you know what you want to do but it's too painful to contemplate. In that case this is really about figuring out how you see your future panning out. 

  • in reply to Plectrum

    Hi Plectrum

    Thank you , I really feel the warmth in your words.

    The issue is the councilors always take my side and don't kick my *** and my wife is done with councilors even the 1st one that

    is trained in helping those with Aspergers.

    So I need to find another for me.

    My wife wont do anymore work on herself or together as she's done enough and its on me to step up and evolve and better myself and come out of my comfort zone.

  • in reply to Anthony

    Hi Anthony thats great advice, thank you.

    The titles are the impact that i feel when communicating with my wife, her frustration hits me like a 10 out of 10.

    I'll try to find a way of making it less aggressive

  • in reply to mouse2

    HI Mouse2, great advice, weve been I've been through lots of NT councilors, issue is they bought into my mind set and understanding of the world, and went main stream , that if a man goes to work then his wife must support him, they didnt of didnt have success challenging my thinking.

    That's why im here to get my mind set challenge so I stop hurting my wife.

    Thank you

  • Hi Matthew, I think as others have said you and your wife need to get a third party into the situation. Can you get any time together without the kids and get out of the eye of this storm, stop, breathe and start talking to one another. 

    You can't do it in the heat of the moment. 

    I've seen your other posts and I have noticed that you have plenty of ideas and are more resourceful than you think. But you really need help in the form of a referee. Please call a marriage counsellor or someone to look after the kids while you and your wife deal with these acute problems. Some counsellors take emergency calls. 

  • in reply to mouse2

    I agree - anyone who has been on here a while knows I always try to help but I’ve not replied to Matthews post because the titles are full of aggression. As another pointer Matthew, you’ve posted several times about the issues with your wife - if you consolidated your thoughts into one post it’s easier to offer thoughts/ advice. 

  • Matthew, 1 if you word your posts titles a little less confrontational you will probably get more replies. 2 when lockdowns over i think a really good marriage counsellor would help