Feeling Alone

Amazing gifts such as enhanced perception of situations. Which I now know I learned as a child by observing others in order to try and work out how to respond. I mimicked a lot. I didn’t realise at the time how exhausting this has been my whole life but now I do so have learned to know when to have time alone to recharge and reset my brain.

All my senses can really become easily overloaded but I have learned to use them in an almost super power way. My husband is always amazed by what I can hear and smell which at times has been really useful. It can also be distressing especially with noise at the moment as all the neighbours are at home. But I just stay indoors and put headphones on.

Also Incredibly creative and with the ability to become focused intensely on a subject or hobby can be beneficial if you want to achieve something. As an Aspie I am great at organising and cataloguing things. I used to organise conferences which needed to keep to time. They were run like a military manoeuvre.

Also an amazing memory is a gift and is handy when someone conveniently forgets something that was said or done and you can tell them what happened in great detail and at what time much to their annoyance 

Being diagnosed later in life I am learning what I can do to focus on my qualities and gifts and really accept and embrace them. Also understanding what triggers meltdowns and getting overwhelmed or anxious so I don’t exhaust myself.  In my case knowledge really has been power. 

I feel the same. It’s like the more I learn about myself the further away everyone feels, the world works one way and I the other and there is nothing more isolating than that!

This seems to be the place I have done the same. Maybe we should connect, message me if you want? Xxx

Every word you’ve written has had me nodding and almost teared up. It’s so strange to read this and start understanding how similar and not alone I am. I take countless photos every day and smiled when I read what you said. You’ve enlightened me with a lot of the things you have mentioned and also made me smile at your point of view. I feel so different even though I am the same person, but I’m too tired of being an actress. With nobody around me with autism I feel so abnormal, like I know I’m doing the right thing for me, but there is nobody around me to encourage and understand me in this walk. And the more I learn the further away I feel from my friends and family. 

learning to develop my powers sounds like something I should start to understand and do as that made me smile so much!! Maybe I do have powers you never know. 

im going to read the link now! Thank you for your message, it has made the world of difference you have no idea xxxxxxxx

Thank you - I'm really glad you're finding it helpful so far.

No problem - I hope you're able to get the support you need too  xx

Hello. This group is where I run to when the outside world seems confusing

It might help to introduce some positivity into your understanding of autism. We really do have lots of strengths - here are no less than 50 of them!

https://the-art-of-autism.com/50-positive-traits-of-many-with-aspergers/

I initially struggled with the idea of autism being seen as a "disorder" and even now a few years after discovering I'm an Aspie,  I still won't accept that description for myself. NT (neurotypical or non autistic) people have lots of deficits, problems and issues. We're told we have obsessions with special interests, while it's acceptable for so many "normal" people to appear obsessed with reality tv, celebrities, football, etc. NTs have poor long term memories (maybe that's why they take so many photos?), often lack focus and are unable to employ strategic or creative thinking. They often have such a desperate need to be accepted by their peers that they are often prepared to change their views & behaviours to fit in, and also get depressed when they think nobody likes them.

You are the same person you always were. To others we're different, but to us we're normal. Learn to develop your aspie powers and enjoy them!

HI! I also feel very alone. I don't have anyone around me. I can't have any close relationship to anyone. Relatives, friends, coworkers... all turn backs on me. I can make friends bur i can't keep them. Guess that's autistic way... that's why i believe we really need a mentor to guide us, to lead us, perhaps the social and whealth services could send us a mentor to guide us because we can't trust anyone. 

I really hope things move along for you soon, and like me, I’m glad you have found this place. Keep talking I’ve only been on here for a few days but I feel I can already tell this is a place of acceptance and understanding. Everyone has been so kind and encouraging it means so much to me. 

oh thank you I will totally check those out!! And that book sounds like something that would help me massively! 

thank you for your message, I really hope you are able to be supported in the best possible way moving forward xx

That’s fine, always happy to talk - maybe this can be the start of combatting loneliness for both of us :) I look forward to your message :)

Thank you for your words, it’s so lovely to read such reassuring words, from someone who understands. I will message you if that’s okay. That would mean a lot <3

I’ve never thought of congratulations being an answer to my post but I’ve got to say it made me feel really lovely, I’m learning to change my mindset and it’s comments like that that remind me that this is a good thing. I am, my doctor is incredible and has helped me and is halting me every step of the way. Sooooo many things are suddenly making sense, it’s so nice, so many things I struggle with and feel are so wrong within me are suddenly made okay and it’s been a process of huge relief in understanding why I feel and do things the way I do. And all the responses here have really made me feel really happy! 

The last paragraph made me tear up but in a good way. I hear you and I am going to try to remember what you have said as it makes a lot of sense to me and is something that is truely the hardest part of my diagnosis so far. Having my family who have known me all my life, suddenly feel far away and I’ve been wrestling with realising that I am alone in this, wishing I could bring them in and have them understand but I find it so hard to explain myself in a way they would maybe understand. It doesn’t help I don’t really know either at the moment. They are incredible and I love them but it’s making me feel so teary and sad. In regards to my friends I haven’t really told them anything. I’m not brave enough for that yet. 

what you have said has been so powerful to me. Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay to not be on the same page all the time and to walk my path. It’s isolating but you have made me feel like it won’t be like that forever. Thank you <3

Oh wow this message made me smiling from the kindness in your words. Even though I am sad to hear how common it seems to be that we end up sort of crashing after spending a long time exhausting ourselves, I am grateful to read and understand that I’m not so alone. Makes me feel like I do have a place in this world that makes sense and is okay. 

Your last comment made me giggle, I’m sure your not biased, haha! In what ways do you mean amazing gifts? 

thank you for replying and making things much easier for me today. Xxx

Hi, BlueBear - welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling alone at the moment. I've been on the waiting list for an autism assessment for about a year and a half now, and I've found this forum really helpful for chatting through any challenges I'm facing and sharing similar experiences.

I've also found it helpful to engage with other autistic people via YouTube. Purple Ella and YoSamdySam do some amazing videos - it might be worth checking them out. I also read 'Odd girl out' by Laura James and related to that a lot.

I struggle with my mental health too, so I know it can be really tough and we all experience these challenges in our own way. I'm glad you're in recovery since your breakdown and I hope you find the forum as useful as I have.

Hi and welcome :) loneliness can be a big issue for people on the spectrum, but you are doing the right thing in reaching out for sure. Your battle is almost identical to my own and what I can say is that’s the self awareness makes a huge difference - to say the very least I was on a destructive path and I still feel the consequences of that now, but things have improved a bit for me and they will you. What I will say is be true to yourself because you are who you are, and truthfully a lot of people will probably like you for who you are, you just might not have found them yet! I think I have a good idea of how you feel and the issues you are facing, like I said my back story is quite similar, so if you need someone to talk to just send me a private message or something - I’m engaging and will always try to help if I can :) I also think you’ll be just fine here - we’re a good bunch really :)

BlueBear, I am sorry to hear about your breakdown and general struggles, but I need to say congratulations on your diagnoses! I understand that everything is overwhelming right now but hopefully you are being offered suitable treatment/therapy for your bipolar and you sound like you are already benefiting from the light the autism diagnosis is shedding on your life existence. It is wonderful to see things make sense at long last, please accept that it is OK to be like this!

Take your time to learn about autism, but while you are at it please remember that close friends and family may love you and mean well, but often they can be ill-informed and resistant, and may take years to be educated. At this stage save your energy for yourself: take their opinions with a pinch of salt, direct them to resources that they can study in their own time instead of you trying to explain, point out if some of their comments are unhelpful or even damaging, kindly tell them to give you space. They may be struggling also with their own feelings about your diagnoses but it is not your responsibility to support them right now :) I wish you best of luck.

Hi Blue Bear, welcome. I only joined this community recently and it’s already been such an encouragement to me. I had a similar journey to diagnosis through spending my whole life (49 years) trying to fit in, having anxiety and depression which never responded to years of therapy  and eventually through complete exhaustion was diagnosed with M.E/ chronic fatigue and Aspergers after having  a complete breakdown.  This was due to demand exceeding capacity regarding the way my brain processes things. 

You are definitely not alone. What you are doing regarding learning about yourself is a great way in moving forward, and accepting that the different wiring of your brain is not wrong it’s different and unique. Gradually like I have you may understand the way you process things and then can do life differently rather than try to fit in and exhaust yourself.  I have found that those with ASD have amazing gifts and are often far more interesting. Not being biased or anything :-) 

I hope you find the support and encouragement on here that I have so far.