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Feeling Alone

BlueBear

Hey, I’m new on here (I’m 22) and have been reading through a lot of the threads and have been really moved by how much I relate to so many people here. I’ve been recently diagnosed after a huge breakdown, I was diagnosed with bipolar and then shortly after, autism. In recovery now, I am becoming aware of how exhausted I’ve become within my life from managing autism without knowing I have it. Everything I struggle with has started to make sense and after now not having the energy to put on a front and appear normal I’m having to accept and learn who I really am.

Ive never felt so alone in all my life despite being surrounded by people. I feel like nobody can understand me, and all of my struggles are so isolating. Trying to connect to the people around me is so hard when I feel like I’m speaking a whole mother language. I spend my time feeling really dumb or just so lost. I’m still learning about myself and autism and the more I read and the more I learn the most things click and make sense to me. So many things that I’ve struggled with all my life have become clear why. 

right now I’m wrestling with the reality of being me and all that means. No pretending. I try to communicate how my brain works to help my family understand but not completely understanding myself makes that so hard. I feel so alone and abnormal. Like I’m wired wrong and I can’t reach the people around me. I guess I’m here to try and find people who can make me feel less alone. Sorry this is long I didn’t mean for it to be. Just wanted to say hi really and reach out in the only way I can think how at the moment. I don’t want to feel so silenced and alone. 

Parents

  • Hi Blue Bear, welcome. I only joined this community recently and it’s already been such an encouragement to me. I had a similar journey to diagnosis through spending my whole life (49 years) trying to fit in, having anxiety and depression which never responded to years of therapy  and eventually through complete exhaustion was diagnosed with M.E/ chronic fatigue and Aspergers after having  a complete breakdown.  This was due to demand exceeding capacity regarding the way my brain processes things. 

    You are definitely not alone. What you are doing regarding learning about yourself is a great way in moving forward, and accepting that the different wiring of your brain is not wrong it’s different and unique. Gradually like I have you may understand the way you process things and then can do life differently rather than try to fit in and exhaust yourself.  I have found that those with ASD have amazing gifts and are often far more interesting. Not being biased or anything :-) 

    I hope you find the support and encouragement on here that I have so far.

  • in reply to Cozy Wozy

    Oh wow this message made me smiling from the kindness in your words. Even though I am sad to hear how common it seems to be that we end up sort of crashing after spending a long time exhausting ourselves, I am grateful to read and understand that I’m not so alone. Makes me feel like I do have a place in this world that makes sense and is okay. 

    Your last comment made me giggle, I’m sure your not biased, haha! In what ways do you mean amazing gifts? 

    thank you for replying and making things much easier for me today. Xxx

Reply
  • in reply to Cozy Wozy

    Oh wow this message made me smiling from the kindness in your words. Even though I am sad to hear how common it seems to be that we end up sort of crashing after spending a long time exhausting ourselves, I am grateful to read and understand that I’m not so alone. Makes me feel like I do have a place in this world that makes sense and is okay. 

    Your last comment made me giggle, I’m sure your not biased, haha! In what ways do you mean amazing gifts? 

    thank you for replying and making things much easier for me today. Xxx

Children
  • in reply to BlueBear

    Amazing gifts such as enhanced perception of situations. Which I now know I learned as a child by observing others in order to try and work out how to respond. I mimicked a lot. I didn’t realise at the time how exhausting this has been my whole life but now I do so have learned to know when to have time alone to recharge and reset my brain.

    All my senses can really become easily overloaded but I have learned to use them in an almost super power way. My husband is always amazed by what I can hear and smell which at times has been really useful. It can also be distressing especially with noise at the moment as all the neighbours are at home. But I just stay indoors and put headphones on.


    Also Incredibly creative and with the ability to become focused intensely on a subject or hobby can be beneficial if you want to achieve something. As an Aspie I am great at organising and cataloguing things. I used to organise conferences which needed to keep to time. They were run like a military manoeuvre.

    Also an amazing memory is a gift and is handy when someone conveniently forgets something that was said or done and you can tell them what happened in great detail and at what time much to their annoyance Grinning

    Being diagnosed later in life I am learning what I can do to focus on my qualities and gifts and really accept and embrace them. Also understanding what triggers meltdowns and getting overwhelmed or anxious so I don’t exhaust myself.  In my case knowledge really has been power.