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Feeling Alone

BlueBear

Hey, I’m new on here (I’m 22) and have been reading through a lot of the threads and have been really moved by how much I relate to so many people here. I’ve been recently diagnosed after a huge breakdown, I was diagnosed with bipolar and then shortly after, autism. In recovery now, I am becoming aware of how exhausted I’ve become within my life from managing autism without knowing I have it. Everything I struggle with has started to make sense and after now not having the energy to put on a front and appear normal I’m having to accept and learn who I really am.

Ive never felt so alone in all my life despite being surrounded by people. I feel like nobody can understand me, and all of my struggles are so isolating. Trying to connect to the people around me is so hard when I feel like I’m speaking a whole mother language. I spend my time feeling really dumb or just so lost. I’m still learning about myself and autism and the more I read and the more I learn the most things click and make sense to me. So many things that I’ve struggled with all my life have become clear why. 

right now I’m wrestling with the reality of being me and all that means. No pretending. I try to communicate how my brain works to help my family understand but not completely understanding myself makes that so hard. I feel so alone and abnormal. Like I’m wired wrong and I can’t reach the people around me. I guess I’m here to try and find people who can make me feel less alone. Sorry this is long I didn’t mean for it to be. Just wanted to say hi really and reach out in the only way I can think how at the moment. I don’t want to feel so silenced and alone. 

Parents

  • It might help to introduce some positivity into your understanding of autism. We really do have lots of strengths - here are no less than 50 of them!

    https://the-art-of-autism.com/50-positive-traits-of-many-with-aspergers/

    I initially struggled with the idea of autism being seen as a "disorder" and even now a few years after discovering I'm an Aspie,  I still won't accept that description for myself. NT (neurotypical or non autistic) people have lots of deficits, problems and issues. We're told we have obsessions with special interests, while it's acceptable for so many "normal" people to appear obsessed with reality tv, celebrities, football, etc. NTs have poor long term memories (maybe that's why they take so many photos?), often lack focus and are unable to employ strategic or creative thinking. They often have such a desperate need to be accepted by their peers that they are often prepared to change their views & behaviours to fit in, and also get depressed when they think nobody likes them.

    You are the same person you always were. To others we're different, but to us we're normal. Learn to develop your aspie powers and enjoy them!

  • in reply to Lotus

    Every word you’ve written has had me nodding and almost teared up. It’s so strange to read this and start understanding how similar and not alone I am. I take countless photos every day and smiled when I read what you said. You’ve enlightened me with a lot of the things you have mentioned and also made me smile at your point of view. I feel so different even though I am the same person, but I’m too tired of being an actress. With nobody around me with autism I feel so abnormal, like I know I’m doing the right thing for me, but there is nobody around me to encourage and understand me in this walk. And the more I learn the further away I feel from my friends and family. 

    learning to develop my powers sounds like something I should start to understand and do as that made me smile so much!! Maybe I do have powers you never know. 

    im going to read the link now! Thank you for your message, it has made the world of difference you have no idea xxxxxxxx

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  • in reply to Lotus

    Every word you’ve written has had me nodding and almost teared up. It’s so strange to read this and start understanding how similar and not alone I am. I take countless photos every day and smiled when I read what you said. You’ve enlightened me with a lot of the things you have mentioned and also made me smile at your point of view. I feel so different even though I am the same person, but I’m too tired of being an actress. With nobody around me with autism I feel so abnormal, like I know I’m doing the right thing for me, but there is nobody around me to encourage and understand me in this walk. And the more I learn the further away I feel from my friends and family. 

    learning to develop my powers sounds like something I should start to understand and do as that made me smile so much!! Maybe I do have powers you never know. 

    im going to read the link now! Thank you for your message, it has made the world of difference you have no idea xxxxxxxx

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