Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
My husband told me he was tested as a child and has Aspergers, he has never had any support or anything at all, and has never told anyone part from me now.
When he told me a lot of things fell into place for me. We have been struggling with arguments, angry outbursts, miscommunication and when arguments have escalated he has threatened our marriage and his life.
He will not move out of his rented one bedroom flat, even though I own a house. He wants me to sell my house and move into his flat, until we can find a suitable place together. I usually spend most of my time at his so my house is left empty. He makes me feel guilty about spending time apart from him, with family and friends. He says he feels lonely.
We had another massive argument which escalated quite badly a few weeks back so I left his flat and moved back to my house, I literally just don’t know what else to do, I just know that I can’t live like this. I told him that we need counselling and he now thinks I’m blaming him and Aspergers.
I would be very grateful if anyone could give me advice on how to save my marriage?
What I would say is that your husbands flat is clearly a ‘safe space’ for him, we are creatures of comfort and familiarity in routines and surroundings are important. So it will probably require you to do more adapting than can realistically be expected from him. Realistically the only thing you can try to do is try to better understand the traits specific to him and seek to work with rather than against them, but compatibility issues may not be exclusively the traits, so it could be tricky :-/
Hi Anthony
Thanks for your reply. Yes I totally agree with you about the safe space. I’m just struggling at moment as I don’t feel secure at all in marriage so don’t want to give anything up when I could be left with nothing.