Published on 12, July, 2020
As you know I have this awful virus. I've gotten over the worst. I've felt suicidal but not told anyone. I have put posts on facebook trying to reach out in my darkest times.
When I've fallen snd gone blue from breathing issues, been stuck home 2 weeks. When I'm the one always asking if people are okay. Yet no one asks are you okay
I put an apology on facebook for my sad posts and not being myself and explained how scarey it's been as I cant breath. But no ones contacted me etc. No ones said are you okay. I feel even more alone. People say it cant be the virus it's just flu. Yet the drs and ambulance said otherwise. They say your dramatic or it's a cold. Theres others I later found out around here who have it but it's not in the papers so i guess people dont believe. I feel really alone
So today I try be happier. I sent a joke video I was sent to someone who always sends jokes etc as kind of a 'hello I'm no longer feeling dark' but he posted on Facebook about how annoyed he is at messages. (1st one I've sent) I apologise and said I thought youd like it. He dicnt reply but replied to someone else how annoying it is and he will block people. So I just deleted him. I'm not going to feel grateful for his attention. This person also told me about a job where he worked a little while ago. I applied wasent successful. He told me to try again for same job less hours. I did and heard nothing back. Considering he has say in the hiring and theyve not even acknowledged my application etc I'm thinking why would you do that?
I dont understand why people post 'suicide awareness.im always here's rubbish when they really arent. Same with corona, they bang on about loneliness in isolation after a few days yet when someones in complete isolation a d been alone longer they literally dont care.
I'm feeling the nt people are selfish again today
I do so much for others, where are they when you need someone?
This whoe thing exposes these things for what they are. I was ready to try and rejoin there game of illusion (society) a week before lockdown but now this has exposed NTs as utter peices of dirt. It is them who have caused it - with any luck it will wipe most of them out and leave then planet to Aspies
Hope you're doing okay. Sending cyber hugs back.
Just want to give you all a 'cyber hug'
Sorry that's all I can do on here :(
mouse2 said:Your right actually it's a copy and paste trend. I just dont understand why youd copy and paste if you dont mean it! It frustrates me so much! I try to understand neurotypicals and fit into their world but then retreat as I really dont understand them
When NT’s get fully into wearing their theatrical cloak, mask and wig sort of thing (i.e., social camouflaging or masking) ~ it is worn as a suit of armour to protect their wounded selves that actually do care, but they are as such in most cases entirely trapped in their socially fostered and personally adopted character pretences. Hence they can identify with statements and write quite truly about caring for others, yet a proportion of whom really are particularly disabled when it comes to actually putting theirs’ or other people’s words into action.
I just treat it is all as being purely moral support, and if it turns out to involve practical support as well ~ then that makes it an additional bonus.
I don't understand it either - the world would be so much simpler if people just said what they meant!
Good idea! And no I dont trust people. Theres alot of people door knocking and scamming right now. Offering to do jobs for people and stealing the cash!
I know someone who runs an old people's home - they are dealing with the restaurant suppliers now - those companies have got stock but as all the restaurants are closed, they are doing deals with others - people like Brake Bros etc. If you can get a group of people together to make an order big enough to make it worth their while, they might supply.
ps - if it's possible - get CASH up front before placing any order - do not trust anyone!
No I have corona so I'm not allowed out at all. I'm not hungry to be honest. Making myself eat when I can as I'm trying to get better asap. It's my cousin I feel for right now. Thinking about it I'm lucky to have contracted it before most people. I've missed the panic buying craziness and general nastiness in the world outside. I'm not short of food I'm just missing my favourite foods and fresh veg. I saw online the amount of food waste right now. Its awful
The whole shopping thing is terrible right now - and there's no reason for it. I'm sorry to hear it's so rough for you - are you diagnosed? If so, you should qualify for the vulnerable opening hours Also, can your cousin take you as a carer? It gets both of you in together for a combined shop.
I’m really sorry to hear that
I’m losing faith in humanity but then, we’re nothing more than a bunch of apes (only more proficient at faking, manipulating and pretending)
I can imagine it’s quite tough. The thing to remember is that people often post memes etc without thinking too mic and often with little sentimentality. Don’t rake their lack of engagement personally - often people are too preoccupied and others just don’t know what to do in a real life situation
Also I'm still breathless but no where near as bad as I was. I couldnt even talk 2words before gasping for air and trying to keep strength up by eating was impossible for 2 days. I'm making up for it now though with talking and eating lol. My cousin is grieving bless her (her partner passed but not from the virus) shes terrified of getting the virus and leaving her kids as orphans.shes been the only person texting me so she knows how bad I've been. Weve supported each other.She queued for ages in the supermarket just for essentials then got left in floods of tears as she wasent seen as vulnerable so they were letting older people go in front even though she explained her anxiety, worried about leaving her kids alone whilst she shopped (no slots online) and shes alone as her partner died. The security guard said the most vile things to her shes in pieces. She only said she couldnt stay in their any longer either.This is upsetting me, wheres the humanity gone? Vulnerability isnt just the elderly, she didnt 'look' vulnerable so it opened her up to abuse :( food wise I've just gone without. I managed to get one shop online but we're rationing until the next shop in a few weeks so we're lucky. I think of all the poor people who 'look okay' that are suffering right now. That cant cope at the best of times in busy places, that have invisible illnesses. Sad times
Your right actually it's a copy and paste trend. I just dont understand why youd copy and paste if you dont mean it! It frustrates me so much! I try to understand neurotypicals and fit into their world but then retreat as I really dont understand them
Thank you for your reply plastic. I think I was vulnerable as I was still recovering a head injury. I cant imagine if I was vulnerable in other ways too. My town makes me mad as the pubs are advertising lock ins, parks full of kids, local counsellors are keeping events on! It's like their living in a bubble! Yet on flip side their posting about corona lol neurotypicals melt my brain. Maybe we should keep a post to check on one another so we re not alone
The thing I get confused about is that they post memes about caring and suicide awareness! I cant understand so my brain melts down. Thank you by the way I hope your safe. It's really a terrible thing to deal with
I'm really sorry to hear that you're not getting support from the people around you. Social media can also be a really weird place; lots of people say things they don't mean because it's the latest 'copy and paste' trend. I also think there are lots of people who make out like they're coping (e.g. posting pictures of their sparkling kitchen because they have so much time to clean now), but that probably doesn't reflect how they're feeling on the inside.
There are caring people out there (both NT and ND). Is there anyone in your life who you could have a video chat with? I did this with friends yesterday and it helped me feel a bit more normal. In the meantime, please talk to us here whenever you need to - we're all here to support each other.
Please keep going and take care of yourself.
Hi Mouse
I'm feeling the same thing - I've been sending out e-mails to friends & family but replies are rare and often non-existent - they are obviously on my mind so I enquire about their status - are they ok for food, meds (& toilet rolls) etc.- but no-one asks if I'm ok. (I am ok - just a little concerned because I have no immune system - I could do without any virus right now).
People seem very wrapped up in their own misery and appear to have little real concern for others.
Are you ok now?
(ps - I'm not getting notifications so I have to spot if anyone replies to my posts).
I think the peril of social media is that people are less engaged with one another. It’s one reason I don’t do social media... that and the fact I am a social disaster. Try not to take things too personally or get upset - there will be people who care, they might just not always show it. I hope things start looking up for you in the coming days. Stay strong :)