Unable to come to terms with bad events and move on - Is this all autism

I can certainly sympathise with the problem of repetitive, fixated thinking, as no doubt many other autisic people can. I don't think it's necessarily being autistic per se which makes us this way; rather that, since other people's social behaviours are often opaque to us, and our innate ways of thinking are so often characterised as being "wrong", we become pathologically attuned to cataloguing mistakes, misunderstanding, and regrets, in an attempt to prevent them from recurring. A coping strategy taken too far, you might say, to the point of trapping us in a tar-pit of past negative experiences because we've burned them so deeply into our memories.

But taken in small steps, the kind of techniques suggested by Deepthought can certainly help in my experience. Possibly the most important step is to accept the thoughts themselves, and to remind ourselves that they are both unwanted and not directed by our true wishes. It's like the old adage about "not thinking of the elephant": one cannot put a thought process out of one's mind merely by striving to do so, as the act of striving provokes those very thoughts. It is very important not to punish oneself, however indirectly, merely for having had such thoughts come to mind (I shall not refer to it as "mindfulness", as the term has been so misapplied and misunderstood in recent years).

So when the subject comes to mind, try to pause, and consciously remind yourself...

• I am experiencing an unwanted and unhelpful thought right now.
• This is acceptable, as I cannot consciously prevent it.
• I do not need to rationalise or justify the thought, nor my having had it.
• The thought requires no action beyond acknowledging its presence.
• It can and will pass.

I find that this works much better when spoken out loud or by reading it. I think that sending and receiving the message through a different "channel" than my habitual internal dialogue helps the message to sink in - it makes a break in the never ending circle, so to speak.

It isn't a quick-fix, of course; nothing is- but with practice and persistence, even if the thoughts do still occur, the anxiety which they might cause is much relieved, and this in turn makes refocusing my mind much easier. And, lest you think I'm only talking about trivial distractions, this is how I have learned to cope with the suidical ideation which I have experienced nearly every day since childhood - I now look upon those thoughts as if I am merely a disinterested observer of the workings of my mind; a mere phenomenon, not a motivation nor intention.

Best wishes.

I can certainly sympathise with the problem of repetitive, fixated thinking, as no doubt many other autisic people can. I don't think it's necessarily being autistic per se which makes us this way; rather that, since other people's social behaviours are often opaque to us, and our innate ways of thinking are so often characterised as being "wrong", we become pathologically attuned to cataloguing mistakes, misunderstanding, and regrets, in an attempt to prevent them from recurring. A coping strategy taken too far, you might say, to the point of trapping us in a tar-pit of past negative experiences because we've burned them so deeply into our memories.

But taken in small steps, the kind of techniques suggested by Deepthought can certainly help in my experience. Possibly the most important step is to accept the thoughts themselves, and to remind ourselves that they are both unwanted and not directed by our true wishes. It's like the old adage about "not thinking of the elephant": one cannot put a thought process out of one's mind merely by striving to do so, as the act of striving provokes those very thoughts. It is very important not to punish oneself, however indirectly, merely for having had such thoughts come to mind (I shall not refer to it as "mindfulness", as the term has been so misapplied and misunderstood in recent years).

So when the subject comes to mind, try to pause, and consciously remind yourself...

• I am experiencing an unwanted and unhelpful thought right now.
• This is acceptable, as I cannot consciously prevent it.
• I do not need to rationalise or justify the thought, nor my having had it.
• The thought requires no action beyond acknowledging its presence.
• It can and will pass.

I find that this works much better when spoken out loud or by reading it. I think that sending and receiving the message through a different "channel" than my habitual internal dialogue helps the message to sink in - it makes a break in the never ending circle, so to speak.

It isn't a quick-fix, of course; nothing is- but with practice and persistence, even if the thoughts do still occur, the anxiety which they might cause is much relieved, and this in turn makes refocusing my mind much easier. And, lest you think I'm only talking about trivial distractions, this is how I have learned to cope with the suidical ideation which I have experienced nearly every day since childhood - I now look upon those thoughts as if I am merely a disinterested observer of the workings of my mind; a mere phenomenon, not a motivation nor intention.

Best wishes.