Depressed 30 year old male single virgin with Asperger's

New to autism community also a virgin autistic etc i feel pressured pestered myself, I'm straight have had girlfriends I was trolled by a hacker, i’m having to proove I’m straight I shouldn't have to prove im straight or justify I’m straight. Im being bullied by a cyber hacker claiming to be a Freemason? Apparently it’s guidance? I shoulndt have to proove im straight or justify I’m straight it should be acceptance can relate kind regards 

Im ADD.. and in the aspergers mild case.. i was a young adult.. independent all my life .. hade plenty of sex partner.. nothing special.. been sigel for 14years.. all im looking for was a man whit a beautifull heart. I findely fund my other haft...the one i whant to spend my life whit he is a 30year old virgin Autisme aspergers. All i whant to is to explore it all whit him and what he like or dis like. I even explaning kama sutra massage.. when he fell safe to oben up. For now we are in no hurry we are only kissing .. ill know i have to explaning evry tush before i do it.. soo he can say yes pleas or stop. Soo maybe you need to find a empatisk aspergers.  They are sentesiv lover.  For what there partner need. But in my case.. we both want to make it work

Brilliant words: thank you so much. 

I'm currently reading a book called Refusing Compulsory Sexuality by Sherronda J Brown, which talks about how society has expectations on people to be sexually active and shames and pressures those who aren't at the "correct" state of life. You might like it. We live in a hypersexualised culture that massively overemphasises the importance of having a partner. Many people would be happier if they recognised that other areas of life can be a lot more satisfying and they don't have to focus on achieving partnership, which might not be right for them.

Im 36, extremely pretty and just lost my virginity finally lol. I have autism and have been talking for a few years now. Ur not alone :)

I am back to update. You can see my earlier posts, I am the 33 year old guy with apsergers who visits escorts because I am in the same boat and never had a girlfriend. As a teenager, I only kissed a girl once, which was when I was in the adolescent psych ward when I was 13, I kissed a girl on the unit (another patient, she was 14). Other than that, nothing. 
I lost my virginity when I was 30 and began regularly going to escorts and have now slept with 29 different girls. However it still leaves me lonely because without the intimacy and companionship its just a meaningless physical act.

I mentioned on my previous post that I was going to do my overnight with one of my regular escorts, who charges at a fairly decent price (only $500 for whole night). I went ahead and did it, in fact used my second stimulus on her (I live in the US). It was well worth it, I was the happiest I had been in a long time. It was more like an adult sleepover and I really enjoyed it, I enjoyed sleeping under the covers cuddled with her, more than us having sex before bed. So happy.
Now most people would say I was crazy for wasting my second stimulus on one night, but they do not understand the struggles someone like us with AS face. Being 33 and never having had a girlfriend, this was the very first time in my life I have spent overnight with a girl in bed (all my other encounters have been just sex and leave). I compare my overnight to like a one time vacation to a country I have always wanted to visit. Something very worth it and again something only AS people can understand. 
Now the girl who I did the overnight with is one of my regulars who I consider myself "friends with"
I have about 3-4 other regulars I see, who I have gotten to know on a personal level and text to say hi between sessions or sometimes grab pizza or fast food or I help them out by giving them a ride. Its their companionship I enjoy more than the sex. I see one of my "friends" once a week, so yeah in essence I get sex once a week on average.

So for all of you on here who complain you are still virgins, sex is overrated. Take it from me, yes it was very exciting the first few times but after having it so much with so many different girls, it gets boring fast (I have been with 29 different girls).
Honestly its the companionship and intimacy of a relationship that matters and what I have never had. Its sad to go somewhere in public (worst in summer months, at least in the winter everyone is inside) to see young couples walking on the beach holding hands, holding eachother and watching the sunset together or enjoying dinner at a restaurant - all the sex in the world cannot equate to that.

So yeah its a tough world out there and being born with AS is an unfair curse that denies all of this and leads to a life of loneliness and depression. Hence I am already feeling lonely after last week's overnight with my "friend" and not even horny for sex, human emotional intimacy is all that matters. 

I see the admin here have had a week of not bothering to monitor the site, despite the fact that would have only taken a few minutes each day!

As ASD people we are truly alone in the world.

Seems like holidays are more important than care now

Link removed as it contravenes community rule number 6 - linking to a pornographic site. Best Wishes Lorraine Mod

Well the problem is that none of these girls are reliable, hence why I have had so many fail. I see an escort a few times and she turns out to be a flake or screws me over, so i go to a new one. have a few regulars, but its hard to keep them.

I mean look at the number of girls I have slept just within the past two years from today:

New Years 2021 - 29 girls

New Years 2020 - 17 girls 

New Years 2019 - 3 girls 

So what does that tell you. And it is really all thanks to one website that I find all these escorts, its called skipthegames.com

This link here describes it better
(link removed by moderator)

The problem is that I am still lonely and angry that I don't have a girlfriend. I see young couples in public holding hands and I get angry and feel I am denied that cuz if my aspergers. So as you can see, its not the sex, its the companionship I long for and am denied. I only go to these escorts to avoid being celibate but honestly it does not fix the problem, its basically putting a bandage over a bullet hole. 

I may be far from a virgin (if anything I nickname myself a male ***) but I honestly think I might never have an actual real girlfriend. 

Goodness, quite a revelation. I doubt may here realise about this world and you have been very matter of fact about it all. I suspect many f us ASD people have never slept with more than a couple of people sexually over many decades!

Yes and don't get me going on that. Dating sites are a complete waste. Girls never respond. You message 100 girls, your lucky if one responds. And this isn't just with aspergers guys, this happens to normal guys too. Dating sites in turn cause more stress cuz the feelings of hopelessness feel stronger when each girl reads my message, views my profile and never responds.

So I just gave up and strictly go to escorts. As long as I got a few hundred bucks each month, I am all set and happy to have a "date" with one of these girls, once a week. I have established regulars with my escorts and kind of became "friends with benefits" where we may do other stuff, like text to say hi between "dates", add eachother on facebook or get a pizza after one of our "dates". So little stuff like that

I am seeing one of my regulars on Christmas Eve and going to give her this nice lamp and a few other things as a christmas present and of course have our "date." 

One of my other regulars, agreed to an overnight with me in a few weeks from now at a reduced price. This will be my first time in my life I have spent overnight with a girl in bed all night long. Looking forward to seeing how that goes.

Warning though, not my escort dates have been good. Notice I have been with 29 different girls. That is because I had bad experiences with several of them in the past. For instance, I had one girl steal my credit card and smoke crack cocaine in my car and try to get me to give her rides to buy crack (she was a crack addict). I had another girl trick me into lending her money for "free dates" then rip me off and when I begged for my money back, she called me threatening to smash my windows and send people to my house to physically hurt me.  

So ya I had to weed through the bad ones, cuz alot of these "call girls" are bad and into drugs or have criminal records (a few I had seen had even been to prison). But I finally found a set of good regulars and yes even though my regulars are good to me, I still do not trust them all the way and I learned the hard way, never lend money or prepay for "dates."

Have you tried on line dating??

I too have aspergers. I am 33. I was a virgin until I was 30, but I began going to escorts for sex. Three years have passed, and I have now slept with 29 different girls - all escorts whom I have paid to sleep with me (with the exception of this random girl at the beach this past summer, who surprinsgly approached me and seduced me and we hooked up, the only time I got sex for free). 

I think going to escorts like me may be your best bet. Escorts are people do and aren't just there to act as sex objects. I in fact I have a few regular escorts I see, who I have developed friendships with and gotten to know personally, spent time hanging out non-sexually between our "dates" (the term we use for sex session). It has been a godsend for me and I think it might be your best bet. 

Cool story bro

I don't know if the OP was a troll or not.  But on topic i didn't lose mine until i was 28.  If that helps any worried person out there?

You are not alone. I'm 18 years of age 

I agree "virgin" sounds outdated anyway.  "never been sexually active" sounds more respectable and up to date.  It also sounds impressive and is a phrase most likely to attract the right person for Leon; because it is suggestive that he has never slept a round and; is less likely to be unfaithful in a long-term relationship/marriage. 

"Perhaps you could also ask yourself how important sex really is? Because you sound like you're looking for companionship and a physical relationship isn't necessarily a part of that. Maybe don't look for dates; look for people who you share interests with, and find people you can get along well with."

a very valid point; usually that's not how a healthy relationship develops anyway; the sexual side of things comes afterwards.  If Leon's past dates have convinced him that a sexual relationship is top priority;  then he should count his lucky stars his been dumped; because there is something wrong with those dates not him.  Only a prostitute puts sex first.

Hi Leon

I am impressed with your academia; 3 degrees you must be clever! Come to the UK  and help me out! As far as your dating women goes don't be to hard on yourself; count your blessings those women didn't take things passed the dating period.  they probably did not understand you and weren't the right type of material for you.  Trust me I know what I'm talking about.  If they dumped you during the dating period count your lucky stars they've done you a favour.  You didn't have to dump them.  Concentrate on yourself hopefully you'll attract the right person.  Don't just settle for being anybody's boyfriend.  

By the way 27 is a good age to marry I was a year younger when I married. some people marry later than that.  Others marry early and get divorced.  

take everything in your stride.  Look after yourself and don't worry you don't need the added anxiety; it'll only make you worse.  So what if you are aged 30 years you probably don't look it?  Let the right person come to you.  Celebrate the fact you are living independently and; not reliant on someone who may not even know how to meet your needs.  Worst still they could be someone who is demanding on you.  Keep off the online chat sites as well they attract the predatory Narcy types.  I would strongly advise you tor brush up on narcissism and toxic people; they tend to target people on the spectrum because we are "too nice" and; can be taken advantage of.  Stay away from toxic people like the plague or keep contact to absolute minimum.

You got three degrees concentrate on getting a job or your ambition of studying in Italy.  just put dating aside and concentrate on living your life.  if you are not happy where you are living; work on long term plans to move to Italy or somewhere where you will be accepted and helped.  Trust me; the last thing you want is a partner who does not understand you.  

Enjoy your own company during the holiday season!  I was on my own during the holiday season; it was too cold to go out I stayed in and; found some fun activities to do. I was to busy to feel lonely.  you aught to do the same...keep yourself busy.

Remember though; if someone comes your way just be a gentleman; classy women don't like jerks.  Most importantly just be yourself; you don't have to put on airs and graces just to impress someone.  Women who want to be impressed are not classy at all; their's something usually fundamentally wrong with them.  Try and brush up on your social skills as well.  There's no rush the last thing you want is a relationship where you are struggling and; under pressure to get rid of the other person because their mask slipped; or they just couldn't think for themselves.

The few "acquaintances" you do have stay in touch with them give yourself the potential of friendship with them.  Trust me you'll feel a lot better and there will be an opportunity for you to grow socially.  I am assuming you like your social interactions with these "acquaintances" if so carry on the interaction and see where it goes.

Best of luck.

Hopefully you've just made a new friend.

Let me know how you go.

This may look negative, but I mean it in the nice way. I think you're putting way too much importance on having sex. You have achieved great things thus far, you are simply a slow starter when it comes to getting into a sexually active relationship, this will happen in good time.

You need to get a hobby or 2, and get yourself out there (but in your comfort zone). So try joining a group to do with your degrees, whether employment or volunteer. This way you will mix with other people male and female, with similar interests.

Life is FULL of much more important things than sex, and the less you place importance on it, the easier it will come (as you will feel less anxious). You just need more social networks to interact in, and sexual relationship may materialise over time when willing player 2 found.

I am pleased to know that I have no STIs nor unwanted children. It is just that many can have a successful relationship without making those mistakes. It is like saying that I have not eaten oysters, but should be glad that I have never had intestinal parasites or infections that can occur from eating them. That is true, but trying the food (without getting parasites), even just once, would be an experience.

My grandfather was known to be weird. But I did know him for most of my life. He died a few years ago from terminal illness. I did notice that he had many of my traits, but he had more of a very severe OCD than anything. My grandmother was the one who would tell me about him, since I never asked him questions about his sex life. I never ask this of anyone anyway. He was old enough that he reached his 70s when my mother was a teenager. He was very awkward. Whether he was awkwarder than I am, I cannot judge. That is because both of us were very awkward people. He was very aloof, and used to do things like walk on the opposite side of the pavement instead of walking close to my grandmother. He just spent his retired life reading books in his room.

I am feeling quite depressed in the past few days, but try to think positive. Start the new year more positively. I just feel like having no friends or girlfriend is not a happy experience. The Pure O part of my OCD makes these ruminations more frequent, causing depressive feelings.