Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone.
I am a new user from California, USA. I just turned 30 in late October. Just a few months ago I found out that I had Asperger's. I have struggled immensely in the romance department, and despite wanting to, I have never had a girlfriend nor had sex up to this date. In my entire life, I have probably been on around 7-8 dates with women. All of them were just first dates with different women that never worked out. I am quite socially awkward, shy, timid, anxious and nervous.
In addition to Asperger's, I have had social anxiety, generalised anxiety, on and off depression depending on my life situation, hypochondria, plus moderate to severe OCD including pure O and ruminations. Perhaps this entire combination of problems has hindered my dating life.
I live in a place with a huge social stigma against people who are older virgins, especially male virgins. Being a virgin even at 18 or 19 is considered way too old and can be cause for beration and criticism from others. Imagine my case at age 30. I have been berated and made fun of for being single and a virgin since I was age 13. Every year was receiving endless comments about virgin loser this and that, why I have no girlfriend, why am I still single so old, why I am so weird, why am I so shy, why I am so awkward, etc.
My social awkwardness has especially hindered my interactions with women. I often say and do thing very clumsily and weird, which probably makes me look unattractive. I have very poor flirting skills despite having read some articles about how to do so. My social skills are poor. My only source of socialising is attending socials from meetup.com and InterNations. Most of the time, the events are poor, and I often meet people who are, in my view and in my experience, toxic, lacking empathy, self-centred, arrogant and judgemental. Right now I would say that I have zero friends in real life, and just perhaps one or two distant acquaintances from meetups.
I studied in various degrees in university, so between ages 18-27 I was busy studying hard. This meant that I had zero social and dating life. All I did was lock myself in the room and study night and day instead of going out with friends or dating women. I feel like I have missed the prime years of my life, as well as the opportunity to socialise with fellow students from my universities. I have three degrees in STEM fields: biology, mathematics and chemical engineering. In the future I plan to study medicine in Italy.
However, all of this academic stuff is moot--I feel like I have sacrificed my entire life to my studies, such that now at 30, I have no friends no girlfriend/wife. I feel alone and the multiple rejections plus negative comments that I have received from women about my being single and virgin at this age have affected my self-esteem. In the past couple of months, I have slowly but steadily been working on increasing my self-esteem and self-confidence. However, this Christmas made me fall a bit into a mini-depressive state. I spent Christmas alone, no friends no girlfriend, just me alone.
I feel like as time passes by, it is getting harder and harder for me to attract women. I have endless amounts of faults and negative traits, plus I often hear negative comments about how most women do not want a virgin and single guy who is this old with zero relationship/sexual experience. It feels really depressing to hear this.
My mother has Asperger's, plus was a virgin until age 27. She has a milder case than I do, but I notice that problems with romance, plus ASD, seem to run down my mother's side of the family. My late maternal grandfather most likely had Asperger's, and was a virgin until almost age 50. In fact, the reason that I probably had such an old grandfather was because he got married and had children so late in life. He was born before the end of the First World War.
I feel like I have a lot to offer as a potential boyfriend to any woman out there. I would like to think that I am not of low intelligence. I am brutally honest, which means that I am not one of those guys who is a pathological liar nor plays games. I am a caring person who is not arrogant nor self-centred. But still, I feel like these qualities are not really considered positive. Or if they are, that my many negative traits are seen as outweighing the positives.
This holiday season, especially with New Year this Wednesday, has made me feel a bit down about my situation. Every day I dream of the day that I finally meet some woman and I can finally be at least somewhat happy and not alone doing everything by myself. But that dream I have been having since I was 13 in 2002.
I too have aspergers. I am 33. I was a virgin until I was 30, but I began going to escorts for sex. Three years have passed, and I have now slept with 29 different girls - all escorts whom I have paid to sleep with me (with the exception of this random girl at the beach this past summer, who surprinsgly approached me and seduced me and we hooked up, the only time I got sex for free). I think going to escorts like me may be your best bet. Escorts are people do and aren't just there to act as sex objects. I in fact I have a few regular escorts I see, who I have developed friendships with and gotten to know personally, spent time hanging out non-sexually between our "dates" (the term we use for sex session). It has been a godsend for me and I think it might be your best bet.
Have you tried on line dating??
Yes and don't get me going on that. Dating sites are a complete waste. Girls never respond. You message 100 girls, your lucky if one responds. And this isn't just with aspergers guys, this happens to normal guys too. Dating sites in turn cause more stress cuz the feelings of hopelessness feel stronger when each girl reads my message, views my profile and never responds.So I just gave up and strictly go to escorts. As long as I got a few hundred bucks each month, I am all set and happy to have a "date" with one of these girls, once a week. I have established regulars with my escorts and kind of became "friends with benefits" where we may do other stuff, like text to say hi between "dates", add eachother on facebook or get a pizza after one of our "dates". So little stuff like thatI am seeing one of my regulars on Christmas Eve and going to give her this nice lamp and a few other things as a christmas present and of course have our "date." One of my other regulars, agreed to an overnight with me in a few weeks from now at a reduced price. This will be my first time in my life I have spent overnight with a girl in bed all night long. Looking forward to seeing how that goes.Warning though, not my escort dates have been good. Notice I have been with 29 different girls. That is because I had bad experiences with several of them in the past. For instance, I had one girl steal my credit card and smoke crack cocaine in my car and try to get me to give her rides to buy crack (she was a crack addict). I had another girl trick me into lending her money for "free dates" then rip me off and when I begged for my money back, she called me threatening to smash my windows and send people to my house to physically hurt me. So ya I had to weed through the bad ones, cuz alot of these "call girls" are bad and into drugs or have criminal records (a few I had seen had even been to prison). But I finally found a set of good regulars and yes even though my regulars are good to me, I still do not trust them all the way and I learned the hard way, never lend money or prepay for "dates."
I see the admin here have had a week of not bothering to monitor the site, despite the fact that would have only taken a few minutes each day!
As ASD people we are truly alone in the world.
Seems like holidays are more important than care now
Link removed as it contravenes community rule number 6 - linking to a pornographic site. Best Wishes Lorraine Mod
Well the problem is that none of these girls are reliable, hence why I have had so many fail. I see an escort a few times and she turns out to be a flake or screws me over, so i go to a new one. have a few regulars, but its hard to keep them.I mean look at the number of girls I have slept just within the past two years from today:
New Years 2021 - 29 girls
New Years 2020 - 17 girls
New Years 2019 - 3 girls So what does that tell you. And it is really all thanks to one website that I find all these escorts, its called skipthegames.comThis link here describes it better(link removed by moderator)The problem is that I am still lonely and angry that I don't have a girlfriend. I see young couples in public holding hands and I get angry and feel I am denied that cuz if my aspergers. So as you can see, its not the sex, its the companionship I long for and am denied. I only go to these escorts to avoid being celibate but honestly it does not fix the problem, its basically putting a bandage over a bullet hole. I may be far from a virgin (if anything I nickname myself a male ***) but I honestly think I might never have an actual real girlfriend.