Published on 12, July, 2020
Feel like Im coming up to a total meltdown, trying not to let things get to me but cognitively im struggling with even being verbal with people. Mental health team didnt return my call. Tried talking to a friend she replied 'you should try being me in my life'. Im so sick of paddling flat out just to keep my head above water. NO plans to end this misery so dont want to worry anyone. Feel like such a failure and nothing people are saying is helping at mo may try distraction. All I want to do is cry.
When I have a meltdown, I know what all the things are that have made me overload, I have to start at the beginning and talk through each of my worries.
It's like unpicking knots which I like to do from time to time ha, So if your comfortable Start at the beginning and I'll go through it with you, totally up to you thou.
Thank you thats so kind of you to offer. I think what upset me today is stumbling over my words, it happens quite often especially when Im not a hundred percent ok in myself. I just feel so stupid and embarrassed when I mix words up i hate talking most of the time.
I feel for you I get that, stumbling over your word can be embarrassing at times,
I know it feels very intense people acutely listening to you speak,
I avoid talking in big groups makes me so anxious even when I've said nothing wrong I still feel like I've said something stupid constantly assessing and rechecking.
but you know I've seen all my colleagues mess up their words and loose the point of what they were saying,
it's just human and your most seriously your not the only one.
I just take a deep breath and say F**k it!
and then picture how it will mean nothing in 10 years and that time is infinite and that moment has passed.
Sorry you feel this way. Can you get any rest away from the world for a few days? It helps me so much if I can do this