Published on 12, July, 2020
I was talking earlier with someone elsewhere about how it is quite common for Autistic people not to recognise their feelings and it got me thinking! I normally say that my usual 'emotional state' is 'comfortably numb' that is, most of the time, I feel nothing. Right now, sitting here typing this, I feel nothing. I've previously wondered briefly about Alexithymia and I've even done the Alexithymia test online BUT Alexithymia is essentially not recognising one's emotions yet on the rare occasion when I do 'feel' something, I do know what I am feeling at that moment in time, in fact I've always thought that I'm quite good at understanding my own emotions, when I feel them. But the talk I was having earlier made me start to question if it's more that these 'rare occasions' of 'feeling' something are actually more rare occasions of me actually recognising what I am feeling. Am I feeling all of the time and just unaware of it, except on rare occasions? Is it even possible to feel and not be aware of feeling? Perhaps I am just being dumb/naive/overthinking? What are other people's views about this please?
I have 2 emotions: I call them "fizzy" and "still". Like types of water. I find it really hard to identify anything else. The fizzy emotion is a feeling that my brain is fizzy. If its a bad feeling then I'm frustrated, if its a positive feeling then I'm happy. When I'm not fizzing then I'm still, which translates to your "numb". Along with this i experience different amounts of nausea and headache in reaction to things.
Long before I was diagnosed this has always driven people mad. "you're so passive!" "you're so indifferent!" "you're completely repressed!"
I find that emojis help a lot. Even in non written communication I sometimes think of the emoji I might use then try to vocalise it. Then again, I doubt whether anyone I interact with thinks that it's helpful at all.
I like your 2 emotion names of fizzy and still :-) Thinking about it, my brain feels 'fizzy' when I've got far too much going on, my thoughts get disjointed and it becomes difficult to 'think in a straight line'!
I love emojis! I use them a lot! Which is odd as in reality I don't pull too many expressions!
Just read your earlier comment too, duh! You also mentioned safe and unsafe. I thought I was being so original too. That's uncanny!
:-) great minds!