Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
As with probably most people on here public transport is a no go. I also cannot stand being in a car with other people as I am not in control and constantly anxious plus the fact I am stuck with whatever noise they decide to generate. I think the desire to be alone has pushed me towards motorcycles and I do actually really like bikes regardless.
When I get on my bike all my anxiety seems to dissipate. It is just me and this machine working in harmony. Still, I can't help but feel incredibly lonely. I know there are bike groups around me that meet up and go on ride-outs but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't handle the chit chat, the hanging around. I could probably handle the riding around in a group bit but that's it.
I also cannot go exploring as a lot of bikers do. If I do not know the route I am on like the back of my hand I get real panicky so I end up riding the same routes over and over and I constantly worry in the back of my mind 'what if something goes wrong' so I never go far.
I know a lot of this is anxiety, but I have been trying to expose myself to my fears throughout my life and even been for CBT and I am just as anxious now as I was at 15. I feel like I should just stop trying and accept I am someone that is probably always going to be doing stuff alone. I'm just getting sick of being alone all the time but I cannot see a way out of it. I hate being alone but also hate being around people. I don't think I have a question I just needed to say stuff.
Thanks
There are lots of bikers on here and I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I gave up biking about three years go after suddenly losing interest - after pretty much reaching the peak of it as far as skills are concerned at least as far as civilians can go (I qualified to teach advanced riding skills). I loved biking as a teenager, and obviously enjoyed what I did as an adult. I loved the solitude, the flow, and the fact that it's the closest thing to flying that you can do without leaving the ground.
But I struggled with the chit chat too, and what I relate to most is that although my advanced skills made riding unfamiliar roads just as much fun (if not more fun) than riding familiar ones, I really lacked the urge to "go out and play" unless I had somewhere to go. I went touring once or twice, and every time we went somewhere I loved the first 45 minutes and then got bored.