Skip to main content
Close Button
Donate
  • Replies 41 replies
  • Subscribers 112 subscribers
  • Views 14186 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

If you’re married, what was your wedding day like?

Nessie
over 4 years ago

I’m interested in the perspectives of both ASD and NTs who married ASDs.

I’m engaged and we had planned our wedding for the start of this year but decided to postpone 6 weeks before because I was too poorly (vestibular migraine) and the church and hotel we had booked were both messing us about.

The thing is, we didn’t enjoy planning a single aspect of our wedding. We found it a massive chore and in no way exciting, romantic or anything else. While we both know we definitely want to be with each other and we definitely want to get married, we don’t want to be burned out by all the prep.

On the other hand, we feel that eloping wouldn’t be right for us as we do want to be able to celebrate with our families. I would feel I had missed out a massive milestone if my dad didn’t walk me down the aisle, and I’m certain he would feel the same.

I know you’ll all say, “It’s your wedding, you can do it however you want,” but really what I’m looking for is concrete examples of things that worked for people with autism. For example, one idea we are toying with is having a small, formal service in a chapel with our very immediate families and then throwing a bigger party/reception a few months later for the wider family and a few friends. Neither of us really like being the centre of attention anyway.

Along with Asperger’s, I also have a number of physical health problems which cause fatigue and pain so that is a limiting factor too.

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    Thank you sooo much to everyone for all your input and advice! I've really enjoyed reading about your weddings and it's given us plenty to think about.

    We're now leaning towards a two-part event with a few weeks between the wedding day and the main celebration so I will have enough energy to enjoy both, and also not risk being left burned out for weeks afterward.

    We think it will go something like this:

    • A small ceremony in the chapel of my alma mater on a Friday morning, followed by a relaxed pub lunch at a nearby brasserie for around 25 of our immediate family.
    • We will bake a small cake ourselves and pay for everyone's meal, but they will buy their own drinks (alcohol is too pricey for our budget and we're not drinkers ourselves).
    • We'll also pay for some flowers for the chapel, but the groom and groomsmen will wear their own suits, and flower girls will wear their own dresses.
    • After lunch, we'll depart Cambridge for our honeymoon (a Friday to Monday break at CenterParcs)
    • A few weeks later, a Saturday afternoon/evening party in Southampton (where my partner is from) for around 85 family and friends (including their kids), with finger food, my dream three-tier wedding cake (deposit already paid last year), disco and a cash bar.
    • It means that all the wider family and friends who are expecting an invite to our wedding will think they've just been invited to the evening do—which is true—it just won't be on the evening of our wedding day, which we will spend in blissful peace and quiet to ourselves.

    We're also thinking of holding the ceremony on my partner's birthday (in July) so I only need to sleep with him once a year going forward. :-D

  • over 4 years ago in reply to Nessie

    It’s good to hear that you’ve been able to re plan your wedding to suit you more, after all, it is about yourself and your fiancé. I hope it all goes well for you Slight smile

Reply Children
No Data