Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m interested in the perspectives of both ASD and NTs who married ASDs.
I’m engaged and we had planned our wedding for the start of this year but decided to postpone 6 weeks before because I was too poorly (vestibular migraine) and the church and hotel we had booked were both messing us about.
The thing is, we didn’t enjoy planning a single aspect of our wedding. We found it a massive chore and in no way exciting, romantic or anything else. While we both know we definitely want to be with each other and we definitely want to get married, we don’t want to be burned out by all the prep.
On the other hand, we feel that eloping wouldn’t be right for us as we do want to be able to celebrate with our families. I would feel I had missed out a massive milestone if my dad didn’t walk me down the aisle, and I’m certain he would feel the same.
I know you’ll all say, “It’s your wedding, you can do it however you want,” but really what I’m looking for is concrete examples of things that worked for people with autism. For example, one idea we are toying with is having a small, formal service in a chapel with our very immediate families and then throwing a bigger party/reception a few months later for the wider family and a few friends. Neither of us really like being the centre of attention anyway.
Along with Asperger’s, I also have a number of physical health problems which cause fatigue and pain so that is a limiting factor too.
I'd have prefered only me and my OH at he wedding, however, as a NT, although he's a private person too, he wanted some of his family there so we invited his mum and her husband. I splashed out on the dress and had it made in the city where he's from but with lace from my home county. I also had a bespoke veil made in the city where we currently lived and he splashed out on a handcrafted boutonniere from the milliner. My OH purchased a suit he could wear again for work but had our names and wedding date embroidered inside.
We're from the Midlands but went to Devon for the wedding and the day panned out as followed:
We both really enjoyed and wouldn't have done anything differently
Aww, that sounds so lovely! I really like all the little bespoke touches you had on your bridal outfit and his suit. That’s really special.
I think factoring in nap time is a great idea too.
We love cake, but it all has to be gluten and dairy free because of my intolerances so it gets expensive but it’s a cost we’re happy to bear (we’re also toying with the idea of baking our own to help save cash).