Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve just joined this community because my partner and I are working through living life with his diagnoses ASD. I have trouble approaching him for sex because I’m worried that because he becomes fixated on the one thing he is doing at the time that he will end up becoming anxious if I spontaneously approach him for sex and he will end up having a meltdown and i can’t help but sometimes feel hurt even though I fully support and understand him. Does anyone have any tips? I’m also very shy so have trouble being direct about what I want when it comes to these situations and know he needs direct speech to understand.
EDIT; We have tried sex a few times since I posted this but we seem to have another problem that has risen. I have found the confidence to approach him for sex, but I'm wondering does anyone get distracted during sex? I'm not sure it would be sensory overload since he says its not the feeling of intercourse that is overwhelming. We always stop half through, a lot of the time because he is too hot. Some of the time he worries the dog will come in, and he recently was able to open up and explain to me he has constant worries in his head like "What should I be doing", "How should I move", "Should I talk dirty" etc and his Asperger brain seems to just over take. How can I keep his focus back on what we are doing. This is a little bit of problem since we are not being sexually satisfied but also we plan to conceive!!! Don't know how to edit the original post.
I agree with CaliforniaDreamer95 that it's important to work out what you both like. It took some time for me to get to a stage where I wasn't overthinking it, and where I knew what I liked/didn't like.
Speaking of enhanced senses, I have a problem with light touch, but firm touch is absolutely fine (everyone's different, so it's still worth asking him about this). If he gets hot, it might be worth getting rid of the duvet (if you're comfortable to do so) to help him stay cool. You could also try removing distractions (e.g. shutting the door to prevent the dog from coming in) and asking if there's anything that would relax him (e.g. having music or TV on in the background, so that he's not hyper-aware of every little sound).
I think it'll just be a case of taking things slowly, learning each other's likes and dislikes, and talking openly with one another.
Hello Bethanie96,
I have never had a romantic, never mind a sexual partner, so you CAN tell me that I know nothing.
However, have you found out what each other likes? How you both like to be touched, sensations that you both like etc.
Remember, those with Autism tend to have enhanced senses.