Published on 12, July, 2020
My DH is autistic-undiagnosed but he has many autistic idiosyncrasies. He is extremely clumsy-walks into walls, bangs his head on ceilings and beams, stubs his toes many times a week. Breaks glasses and mugs often. He had a terrible fear of doing wrong, letting people down and is always looking for the worst case scenario in every situation. He is unable to delegate, can’t stop doing something unless he finishes it and is hopeless at prioritising- often choosing to do something that is completely unnecessary when another task desperately needs doing. He adopts accents depending on where he is and who he is speaking to- he has a specific accent for when he is at work for example, one for when he’s speaking to workmen and another rather oddly for when he’s looking around houses( we recently moved). He hasn’t progressed at work ever since I’ve known him as he doesn’t put himself forward for fear of offending someone and being sacked. He sees everything from his point of view and from his here and now, my opinions rarely count
Last week I had another conversation about how I find life with him very difficult because of all the above. He categorically refuses to believe there is anything wrong with his way of thinking saying that I am exaggerating and finding fault when there isn’t any. What do I do??? I can’t carry on like this anymore?
married to someone with autism. said:He categorically refuses to believe there is anything wrong with his way of thinking
That's because there aren't any problems in his world - it's just that his thinking is totally incompatible with your thinking. I suspect you have some difficult decisions to make.
i agree with Plastic he seems very set in his ways , inflexible and hard to get on with. DId you mention the marriage couselling to him ? Is that a non starter as well ?
Like plastic says we are only seeing one side. The counselor will be able to tell how how serious your situation is if he/she can get u both to appear together.
I would also get new friends that you can go out with , without your husband as a break from him in short term. Or simply go more without him on your own if need be, again to get a break from him. Would that be an idea worth trying ?
Could u leave him for a week - a reasonably period eg to go on a holiday , look after someone or a working holiday some excuse to get away for a while. Is that an idea worth thinking about ? What would happen do you think?
I am so out of my depth in giving relationship advice thus the relationship/marriage counselor mentioned above !
I hadn’t thought of it like that as incompatible. Would he be compatible with another aspie do you think?