Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone. I am new to the group and realised at the beginning of the year that my husband is autistic.
We have been married for 7 years now. At the beginning of our relationship, I didn’t see anything wrong, but as the years have progressed I realise now that all the signs were there. His son is autistic and I believe his brother is too.
My husband is loving, kind and demonstrative but life can be very hard. He needs to stick to very strict rules. He lives in constant fear that he is breaking rules, offending someone or letting people down, he thinks the worst is going to happen in every conceivable situation - the dogs will get lost on every walk we take them on or kill a sheep(they have never shown any inclination to do this). I will be killed or burgled if I’m on my own in the house at night etc etc. For every positive situation he has a negative spin on it -“oh you mustn’t do that -such and such could happen”. He doesn’t have a diagnosis and completely refutes that anything is wrong with him but I am reaching the end of my tether!
A lovely walk in the country was spoilt recently. I enjoy admiring gardens and houses in the road we live in but he won’t even slow down to admire a beautiful tree or rose bush as he fears someone may think he’s a burglar sizing up the property if he stops.
I am extremely tolerant -made easier now being on anti depressants but I wonder if this is what my life is now. One filled with the anxiety, stress and fear That my husband projects?
Can anyone offer any help advice or support? Perhaps you are in a similar situation? Many thanks.
i am very similar to ur husband ! get some other friends to go on walks etc he wont mind. once u have kids they will change him and u. As he grew up he may have had to constantly protect and advise his brother and he just hasnt stopped.
I think either you ask him to get a diagnosis with a view to getting more help with his behaviour OR ask him to attend marriage counseling so that u can communicate what you have just mentioned in your introduction.
Have you said to him " I think you are autistic yourself" I wish someone had said that to me :). Maybe he doesnt realise he is ,,, an autistic sees the world completely differently
does he have friends ? someone needs to say stop please its ok ... in my head i worry about all types of stuff but with meditation ( where u watch ur thoughts ) i realised i can reduce the negative thoughts then ignore them.
U are so correct he needs help.
aidie said:I think either you ask him to get a diagnosis with a view to getting more help with his behaviour OR ask him to attend marriage counseling so that u can communicate what you have just mentioned in your introduction.
Not sure that will work - if he's locked into a set of behaviours that he's boiled down as sensible and logical, a marriage counsellor will just annoy him - in his view, he's right, everyone else is indulging in risky behaviours.