Since leaving home I've noticed how much my dad is awkward in social situations, dosnt like to go out and hates when my mum leaves him and as long as I can remember will not use a phone.
He never really sumpathises if someone else is upset or how someone else feels. He has pushed all my mums friends away and dosnt overly enjoy having to come and visit me.
I cant remember as a kid him giving me hugs or kissing me. Recently he stayed over at the weekend with my mum to look after my 2 kids and within a week of them going home they then argued for a month. This is not unusual however this time I predicted it happening as he hates change but I dont understand why he then leaves it a few days and creates an argument due to this.
Does this sound like autism?
Hi. It's difficult to know whether your dad's autistic, as it's such a broad spectrum and the symptoms overlap with lots of other conditions. For example, your dad's worries about using the phone, social awkwardness and aversion to change could be down to autism, but they could also be linked to conditions like anxiety (it's also possible to have autism alongside conditions like anxiety). The National Autistic Society website has lots of information on autism and what it could look like for adults, so it might be worth doing some further reading to see if the traits sound recognisable.
If you think you'd feel confident enough to speak to him about it, you could try meeting with him (somewhere he's comfortable - maybe at his home?) and asking whether he's ever thought that he might be autistic. That said, I don't know how your dad would react, so just be aware that he might get a little defensive if it's something he hasn't considered/doesn't recognise in himself.
Whether he's autistic or not, you're clearly making an effort to understand your dad, which is really positive and shows you care about him. Even if you don't broach the topic of autism with him, you could always try using different methods of communication/making more predictable plans to see if this helps you to get more quality time together (e.g. meeting somewhere quiet where he's less likely to feel socially awkward or stressed).
there is also social anxiety which is very close in symptoms to what you have stated.
He sounds just like me ( on the spectrum ).
Assuming he is on the spectrum,, Just so u know he does love u but wont show it with hugging etc but he will be thinking about you all the time and worrying about you all the time. When the chips are down he will be there for you. Make sure you are texting/contacting him directly if you can. Don't worry if he doesn't reply it will register with him. He will love u being around again. Yes the change is upsetting him ( plus the extra noise perhaps ) but dont worry about it. He does want you around. If you can, get him, help him to get a diagnosis. That's the one thing that settled my mind a lot. ASD is a real struggle at times. ASD people do have sympathy but in a different way. Look on youtube for ways to handle people with autism there is a load of good stuff there.
thanks for your reply. I try to text and make contact but while there arguing he would rather not speak to me. I've questioned this before to him and he just says "what is wrong with me wanting a few weeks off to myself" and he dosn't understand how it feels to me.When he has a meltdown his anger is terrible so everyones always walking on eggshells around him waiting for the next time he will go of on one. We are all petrified to mention anything to him as I really do not think it will end well.
Like me as well. I am ashamed of how little hugging and emotion I gave my children and how my current desperation is now affecting them all. I knew I was on the spectrum, but had only seen the positives - ability to focus on subjects and achieve more than most people, but had never valued the arts and my family enough, but always doing too much work and getting degrees, helping others.
It is very difficult to know how to advise you as many avoid the diagnostic labels for fear it may be used against them, but from my view it would be if there is an opportunity to introduce the subject, with a view to suggesting he looks at this forum or looks at a book eg Tony Attwood's complete guide to Aspergers - maybe worth you reading first. Getting a medical diagnosis is probably not worth the effort and would mean he had medical info that could be used against him.
I would be happy to talk as I have lots of regrets about my parenting actions and I was a GP
wow thats amazing !