Published on 12, July, 2020
I think it's an interesting question to ask, if a cure for Autism were ever created, would you cure yourself?
It's hard for me to decide on whether or not I would cure myself, because there are positives and negatives of having Autism in my opinion.
Positives of my Autism:
Negatives of my Autism:
If my Autism disappeared, I wonder if my personality would completely change.. and if that would be for the better? If I had to give an answer right here right now, I would probably say no to a cure simply because I think I would become unrecognisable personality wise.
Good question.
Your positives and negatives are very similar to mine.
But I think that those negatives have only ever caused me "trouble" when other people have expected me to behave in certain ways, or rather *I* have put pressure on myself to behave in certain ways because I've observed what "most people" do and told myself that I "should" be like them. So simple acceptance (of me by others,and of me by myself) would nullify all of these negatives (for me, at least) without having to change anything about me. And at long last, I seem to be experiencing this.
I could add on to the negatives list some executive functioning difficulties particularly around memory, motivation and impulse control, plus my rigid thinking and reluctance to embrace imposed change, and having these taken away might be an objectively "nice thing to have" but I've lived with them for 52 years so.............
As others have said, I don't know what it would be like if my ASD were suddenly taken away, and I think it is entirely possible that I might not enjoy the result. I hate any changes to my hearing for example (e.g. something simple like a blocked ear) so how would I feel about having typical audio processing? I find it difficult to imagine, but think it would be a significant change.
At this point things get a bit more philosophical for me. I'm currently trying to disentangle my ASD from my personality and co-morbid things (I'm not sure I have any but think that these are the three major things that it is worthwhile separating) so that I can better know what is good to work on improving and what is best left alone (masking nearly killed me). Whilst in some sense autism and personality could be seen as distinct, my personality has evolved in the presence of autism, and taking autism away would certainly change *me*, and for that reason, I don't think I'd be up for it.
In conclusion, I'm happy as I am (and now that I know *why* I am like I am, and I'm getting the acceptance that I need from others and from myself, I'm happier than I've been in decades).
This is of course a personal view specific to myself & I wouldn't want to claim it to be the way it *should be* for everyone.
By the way, I think that the concept of "internalised oppression" -or something like it- seems relevant to how we might feel about ourselves (for anyone, generally speaking, as well as in the context of this discussion around how we feel about autism's impact on us). I am no expert here and I'm not asserting anything in particular, except to say that it might be worth exercising caution if we find ourselves criticising ourselves and wishing that we were different. In some cases, that wishing might be rooted in a desire for healthy growth or the amelioration of difficulties ("cures", perhaps), but in other cases might be as a result of internalised "shoulds" that it would be better for us to dismiss.