Published on 12, July, 2020
So I now have ASD listed on my medical record. It's in the database as well as on paper in my cupboard! That steps up the reality of it another few percent!
On another topic (but enabled by that "recording"), I now have my follow-up appointment with Autism Hampshire. I'm not sure what to expect, but I've grabbed it as I'll take all the help I can get!
Anyone have any experience with these follow-ups?
Yay for officialdom :-)
I didn't have any follow up appointment so I can't offer you any advice there but I hope they can offer something helpful.
How are you feeling about your diagnosis now?
It's a bit like moving house; there's a flurry of activity and excitement, and then after a month or so you're sitting at work and you suddenly remember "Oh yep! I live *there* now!".
I'm still very happy about it, and so relieved for the explanations it gives, but every now and then I think "Really? I'm just me aren't I? I'm normal" (because I'm comparing myself with my version of normal).
But the overriding feeling is one of cutting myself some slack. So many things I previously thought I *should* be able to do - I'm not going to be Brian Cox, Stephen Fry, Richard Branson. And I'm not going to single-handedly change things at work so that our company can change the world. Nor am I going to write a killer blog on autism that makes everyone go "Aha! *now* I understand!".
One thing I'm reflecting on is where these expectations came from. As a child I was always being told how clever I was, how my interests were "way beyond" anything my parents, teachers, relatives could understand. And the downside of this is that I felt like a failure if I didn't become an ambassador for something or a professor or an inventor. Maybe part of it is adjusting mid life, but I'm embracing the idea now that I can do spade-work at work and go home and enjoy walking the dogs :-).
I'm done with Christmas Cards said:And the downside of this is that I felt like a failure if I didn't become an ambassador for something or a professor or an inventor
I have this too.
My problem however is I have a learning disorder, so while I am interested in a lot of highly technical subjects (phd level), I am incapable of grasping algebra, programming and logic concepts, and am passive by nature so don't have that "can-do" action orientated mentality in order to achieve success at something.
I experience fatigue (mental and physical exhaustion) very quickly, so activities can take it's toll on me, I will then retreat to my bed. I also have very bad memory, when I do attain success at something it has to be part of routine otherwise I will eventually forget it all, and have to start from scratch (like when coding or learning software).
The main issue is I am agorophobic, and unemployed, so it is literally impossible to invent things if you have no workshop (access to CNC, 3D printer, milling machine).
That's frustrating if you're interested in a subject but it won't "stick" :-(