A lot of us born before the millennium have had similar issues and have found our way through life building something with our strengths.
Others have struggled and Life is what we make it - I have always taken baby steps when struggling and focus on what I enjoy and can do which has helped me through the bad times. Do not look back at what If’s and why’s but look to use it as a learning experience.
What I grew up with built my character as well and I have that to remind me of how I have progressed as a human being. Yes, sometimes I am too open, trusting, honest and dare I say abused by those taking advantage of my nature but I would not change me for anything.
Thanks care @mouse2 and there are people here that are similar as well as caring about others.
It is quite sad, you think to yourself why didn't people do more to help. From what you wrote that's what I felt, it reminded me of my own experiences.
I never finished school due to bullying. Most people would have been resilient enough to fight back, I wasn't. I still often feel there's something missing in my life, mainly close relationships outside family, it does make me sad sometimes to know others who I went to school with have had the things I wanted (romance, long term friends). I also mourn how other people are much more accepted in social situations than I am. In that sense I feel I understand what you mean when you mention feeling sad for the life you could have had.
I find it particularly sad your mum hit you, my dad hit me hard once when I stopped going to school and also was aggressive in a few other ways, I think that did a lot to harm my confidence and trust in others for a long time.
How are things going for you at the moment?
Everything was so different back then. Different styles of parenting. I struggle to make friends still. People exclude me from going out which makes my anxiety worse and reinforces my insecurity. I try hard to be positive and dust it off but it's not easy.
My other philosophy with anyone who does not take me as I am is to believe it is their loss and not mine.
I do not want/need to be the sheeple NT who talk about everyone in their bitchy/condecending chit chats and if they are talking about me then some other person is being left alone.
I can understand how you feel. I was also born before autism was known to most people. And my parents wouldn't let me get a diagnosis even though it had been suspected in high school (they believed it was a discriminating and self-limiting label). I've been hit at home too and yelled at. I've had many awful life experiences and no support, and even though I've had finally sought a diagnosis as an adult, life is still hard. I think this forum has been very helpful to me, because knowing that other people have had similar experiences makes me feel not so alone, and understood. I hope you'll too find here a group of friends, who also got diagnosed late in adulthood (some people even older than you), who can understand and share your experiences. Sometimes it is quite encouraging to see some of the older people who have struggled because of the late diagnosis, but still have lots of willpower to carry on. You are still relatively young (30s), and still get a formal assessment, and have a brighter future awaiting you.
Hi Qwerty, I'm sad to hear you too have struggled. With diagnoses I think you need your parents input. My mum stopped talking to me as she would say Im too direct and causing trouble. I could never understand what she meant. Now I think I was being too honest. My dad exagerates things so makes me anxious, I had to cut him off as I couldnt handle it. This forum is really good, I feel like I finally belong somewhere. I never felt like I belonged anywhere and was always moving around as i couldnt figure it out
Thank you Eccentric1, as you have said above, I too trusted people and theyve caused me harm. I would wonder why I find these people, why do i have more of these people than most. I know now, its clicked into place :(
Thank you Roswell, I'm still struggling at the moment, still getting overwhelmed. However, now I know Im potentially autisctic, I've figured out why I get overwhelmed, what I need to do to recharge (not that i always get to but at least i know).Im sorry to hear you were bullied, the NT world makes no sense to me, how they treat each other! I think Im quite honest, I have a huge moral compass, i worry if i think ive done someone wrong. so i dont understand why people do what they do
I started to get a group of friends but tried too hard and came across weird. ive 'come out ' today on facebook (its just a handfull of people i know on there) just saying I have aspergers, i find socialising hard and thats why i come across weird sometimes. I need alone time to recharge so please bare with me if i cant talk to you
Yes I have some sadness for things that could have been better for me if I had known. I was born in the late 60s and was bullied at school, found it hard to relate to my extended family, and had few friends. Childhood was, relatively speaking, OK though - depression and anxiety didn't hit until I had to leave education and get a job & started raising a family. After my first marriage failed I went through several periods of depression alternating with anxiety and wanting to retire, then mid-life came along and I had a hard time making sense of it, felt suicidal on occasion and didn't know what to do with myself. I've only just emerged from that confusion, helped an awful lot by realising that I'm autistic and then getting that confirmed.