Changing times

  • I'm not formally diagnosed. I was born in the 1980s. I'd hold the dinnerladys hand in the playground at primary every lunch time. Id wet myself as the toilets smelt weird. I wouldn't eat lunch as the canteen smelt so strong and the noise was too much. I didnt have friends. In high school still no friends but I'd try everynow and again to talk to girls. Most lunch times I found a bush to sit in and eat my lunch! I'd melt down at home and get hit. I'd spin and wave my arms. My mum would say she could never understand me. I feel like I was cheated somehow, if I'd had diagnoses I wouldn't have had the awful life experiences I've had. Wouldn't have been used and abused by various people. Wouldn't have tried taking my life twice. I feel sad for the life I've had and for the life I could of had. Hope this makes sense, anyone else feel like this?
Parents
  • It is quite sad, you think to yourself why didn't people do more to help. From what you wrote that's what I felt, it reminded me of my own experiences.

    I never finished school due to bullying. Most people would have been resilient enough to fight back, I wasn't. I still often feel there's something missing in my life, mainly close relationships outside family, it does make me sad sometimes to know others who I went to school with have had the things I wanted (romance, long term friends). I also mourn how other people are much more accepted in social situations than I am. In that sense I feel I understand what you mean when you mention feeling sad for the life you could have had.

    I find it particularly sad your mum hit you, my dad hit me hard once when I stopped going to school and also was aggressive in a few other ways, I think that did a lot to harm my confidence and trust in others for a long time.

    How are things going for you at the moment?

Reply
  • It is quite sad, you think to yourself why didn't people do more to help. From what you wrote that's what I felt, it reminded me of my own experiences.

    I never finished school due to bullying. Most people would have been resilient enough to fight back, I wasn't. I still often feel there's something missing in my life, mainly close relationships outside family, it does make me sad sometimes to know others who I went to school with have had the things I wanted (romance, long term friends). I also mourn how other people are much more accepted in social situations than I am. In that sense I feel I understand what you mean when you mention feeling sad for the life you could have had.

    I find it particularly sad your mum hit you, my dad hit me hard once when I stopped going to school and also was aggressive in a few other ways, I think that did a lot to harm my confidence and trust in others for a long time.

    How are things going for you at the moment?

Children
  • Thank you Roswell, I'm still struggling at the moment, still getting overwhelmed. However, now I know Im potentially autisctic, I've figured out why I get overwhelmed, what I need to do to recharge (not that i always get to but at least i know).Im sorry to hear you were bullied, the NT world makes no sense to me, how they treat each other! I think Im quite honest, I have a huge moral compass, i worry if i think ive done someone wrong. so i dont understand why people do what they do