Published on 12, July, 2020
No kidding.
On my 48th birthday, I was diagnosed with Asperger's. What a waste. If I had known that years ago, perhaps things could have been in place to do something. However, far from an angelic shout and great awakening, I work anti-social hours washing dishes. What's the point? I've always been into creativity, as I can't socialise or play sports etc, and hit high grades in Uni and paint and draw and now want to get n acoustic guitar and learn how to read music as this seems more important than just slogging away for basic rate and paying bills, and one night a week down the pub and a pizza delivered for a weekend treat. However, I am single with no kids and going nowhere. My art is not good enough to take over the world - my Asperger's seems to give me the dream whilst taking away it's ability at the same time. I cry at any celebrations as I cannot join in, from weddings to live music. It seems childish to say it's not fair, but - it's not fair.
And it's also pointless to try, as it's always failure as an outcome.
The weight and emptiness of the future is too much.
So- what's the point? If you've been forced into a game that you were going to lose in the first place, what's the point in carrying on?
You sound lost. When I have been lost in the past I looked for something new. For me, and maybe for you from what you have said, a lot of things don't work out, sometimes because I lose patience to stick at it long enough to reach that level where you are satisfied with your achievements. Then there are things which I simply don't gel with. I would say, keep moving, keep trying new things, keep looking for that thing that works. Although I still don't stick at anything long enough to be really good, I have found some long term sources of happiness, which I switch between randomly, and it is worthwhile finding them.
It is out there, but it sounds like you haven't found it yet. Keep looking. Don't give up. Good luck. Failure is not always the outcome...